


Secrets Best Kept

by rosetintmyworld



Series: Secrets Best Kept [1]
Category: GOT7, K-pop
Genre: Idol-Verse, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sketchy timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-12-16 04:28:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11821248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosetintmyworld/pseuds/rosetintmyworld
Summary: Jinyoung didn't know what was happening until it was too late. Now he would do anything to protect his boys.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This was written when I first got into GOT7. I don't really know enough about idols or anything, so correct me if I get anything grossly wrong. Also, my timeline is a little sketchy, so forgive me.

The first time it happened, I didn’t know it was happening. I was young and excitable, anxious for this thing to happen, to become an idol. I wanted this thing to happen, and I didn’t know that this wasn’t normal. I was a country boy, not used to the big city of Seoul, or any of this really. 

I just wanted to be an idol so bad.

 

I stood in front of The Park Jinyoung, my hands dangling by my side nervously. I was a skinny 16 year old, just excited to have been picked for the prospect of joining JYP. 

“Alright, Park Jinyoung, I like that, you’re like a little me, you know,” he spoke with a laugh and I nervously laughed. 

“I guess I am, Park Jinyoung-ssi,” I bowed slightly before shaking my head, wondering why I was bowing. 

“You’re like my junior. I really like that, I think we’ll call you Junior. Do me a favor Junior,” He asked and I nodded, trying to keep from biting my lips to pieces. 

“Anything Park Jinyoung-ssi.”    
“Bend over for me.”

I furrowed my eyebrows but did as he said.

“Now, turn to the side and do it.” 

I followed his instruction before straightening up.

“Now lift your shirt.”

“My shirt?” I asked and he nodded. 

“Yes, your shirt kid. You’re going to be an idol aren’t you? Modesty is the last thing for you to worry about, now up,”

I did as he said and he motioned for me to turn in a circle.

He made an appreciative noise in the back of his throat before writing something down.

“Thank you, you’re free to go, I’ll have my assistant get you set up in the dorms. We'll announce you tied for first place later, but for now, let's get you settled in. Welcome to JYP, Junior.” 

I was escorted into a room with a twin bed. A boy was sitting on the bed that was taken, a suitcase pushed under it, and the blankets thrown on haphazardly. His eyes were a little red like he’d been crying.

“Hi, I’m jinyoung- or I guess Junior,” I introduced myself, pointing to the nametag I’d been given. I was told not to lose it, as it would be the only one I’d be given, and I’d have to wear it for the next couple of weeks until the trainers and mentors all knew my name. It was in english letters, A J and an R, which would probably get confusing. 

Would people refer to me as JR? 

“Im Jaebum, or JB,” I smiled at the boy and he smiled back. 

“Hey, what year are you?” 

“94,” I answered and he smiled. 

“Oh, me too, what month.” 

“September, what about you, JB?” 

“That’s JB hyung to you, I’m January. Practically no one has me beat when it comes to the 94 line.” He answered proudly, and I rolled my eyes but dropped down on my bed. 

 

The second time it happened, I still hadn’t caught on. It was 2011, and I’d been training for 2 years. JB and I entered in the same year and became great friends, something that all of the trainers noticed. 

Park Jinyoung-ssi came to visit the training facilities one day,  wanting to get a look at his trainees for a big project that he had in the works. 

He’d pulled me aside, leading me to an isolated office where he leaned against the desk, eyeing me from across the room. 

“How are your acting skills?” he asked.

“I’ve been working very hard on them Park PD-nim I can cry on cue now,” I demonstrated and he waved me away, handing me a tissue and I wiped up my face. 

“That’s nice. I’ve got something in the works. I want to do a duo, and I’ve got my eyes on JB, you know JB right?” He asked and I nodded. 

“Yes Park PD-nim, Jaebum hyung is my best friend here.” 

“That’s good, chemistry is very important, but i’m not just going to give you the spot because you two are buddies.” 

“Yes Park PD-nim, I understand.” 

I bowed my head, my face turning red at the idea that I had somehow overstepped some sort of boundary, that I wasn’t progressing like I should have, and JB hyung would move on to debut, would grow to be amazing, and I would be stuck training for ten years until he decided I wasn’t good enough and he would just drop me. 

I felt hands patting down my shoulders and I jumped slightly. 

“Park PD-nim?” I questioned and he whistled low.

“You’re developing quite nice, take your shirt off Junior,” He commanded and I did as he said, dropping it to the floor next to me.

“Nice, nice, you’ve been taking care of your body, that’s good, JB has a six pack, that would be hard to compete with.” 

I nodded, resigning to work harder even as his fingers glided down my side and to my backside. 

I tensed, but didn’t say anything as he squeezed my ass.

“The girls are going to go crazy for this, we’re going to highlight your ass.”

I could feel my blush deepening. 

“So, how do you like the sound of JJ project? You and JB?” He asked, breathing down my neck even as his hands stayed attached to my backside and the unsettling heat in my cheeks were doused by the silly fizzy feeling of excitement bubbling up my spine.

I covered my face to hide my smile. 

JJ project.

Me and JB hyung would debut together.

He stepped away from me, going back to lean against the desk, his eyes still roaming my body as if he were trying to decipher my answer. 

I could do nothing but nod enthusiastically, struggling to hide my smile behind my fingers. 

He dismissed me and I couldn’t stop bowing as I pulled my shirt over my head and left the room. 

I went back to my bedroom, hoping JB had made it back to the room, and wasn’t still dancing. 

I’d managed to just catch him, as he was on his way leaving. I grabbed his arm, tackling him to the bed before burying my head in his shoulder. 

“We’re going to debut together! JB, we’re going to debut together!” I whispered hurriedly and he just wrapped his arms around me tight, smiling against the top of my head.

 

The third time it happened, I realized what was happening. I knew that something was happening that shouldn’t happen, but by then, it was too late. It wasn’t just me anymore. It was me and JB, we were connected and what I did affected him as well. 

I’d been careless, I guess, I didn’t know how it happened, when there was only one person I’d ever uttered those words to in my life, only one person whom I trusted enough to even think about saying those words. 

It was way past midnight, and JB and I were having too much fun, in that dizzy sort of state where every conversation held great meaning, and the only way to communicate was through hushed whispers and giddy, sharp laughter that did little to hide your embarrassment. We’d pushed our beds together, lying in the darkness, with the only sliver of lights coming from the window high above our heads. Somewhere along the line, our ghost stories turned into stories about our past conquests, our imagined sexual prowess. JB’s hand was warm on my thigh and my head, heavy on his shoulder as I whispered those words to him. Told him my secret that could rip us apart. 

I told Im Jaebum that I liked boys, I like boys a lot more than I liked girls. In fact, I didn’t think I liked girls at all.

He just shrugged it off, said that it didn’t matter, that no matter what, I was still his best friend. 

That was the end of it.

I’d rarely seen JB cry, rarely had the dishonor to see tears come down his face, to see his dark serious eyes swimming in tears. I thought that besides our acting classes, and those late nights where he squeezed out tears for home when he thought I wasn’t looking, that I’d never see him cry. 

But I’d seen it, and it was the worse feeling in the world, because it was my fault. 

I knew it was my fault the moment those words left his lips. 

“We’re- they’re disbanding JJP.”

Those words sunk to the bottom of my stomach like a rock and before I knew what I was doing, I was storming to Park Jinyoung-ssi’s office, my hands clenched at my side and anger boiling deep in my spine. 

“How could you do this to us? We ranked number one, on all 4 charts, we were doing so well! We ranked number 10 on the Itunes dance album! We’ve been working our asses off for this! How could you do this to us?” 

“Have a seat Junior,” He offered calmly, closing the door behind me and guiding me to the chairs. I shook him off, stomping my foot in petulance because there was nothing else I could do.

“No! I don’t want to have a seat. I want to know why you thought you could do this to us,” I spat and he crossed his arms. 

“You know why I’m doing this. It’s getting a little dangerous Junior, and you’re getting a little too comfortable.” 

“How do you mean?” I asked, as dread built up in my stomach. 

“I know what you are Junior, I know what runs through your head, what you think about JB. I can’t have that in my company, if I caught on, imagine who else would.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I denied quickly, even though I knew i’d been caught.

“I know you’re a queer Park Jinyoung,” He spat and I flinched at the accusation before opening my mouth, trying to deny it. 

“Save it, I don’t want to hear it. It’s for the best if we end it right here.” 

“But- you can’t do that to JB, punish me, but not JB, he doesn’t know, he has nothing to do with it.”

Park Jinyoung looked me over.

“What would you do to keep him in the company?” He asked and I bit my lip, looking down at the floor. 

I would do anything to keep JB in JYPE, it was his destiny to get famous, I couldn’t ruin it for him.

“Anything,” I whispered and I could hear as his chair scooted out from under his desk. 

“Come here Junior, and show me just what you fantasize doing to JB, show me how much he’s worth.”

I got on my knees under his desk, my mind strangely blank except for one sentiment. 

I would do anything to protect my boy.

 

I spent thirty minutes stood over a toilet seat, getting sick before making my way back to the dorm to see JB packing up his stuff, and wondering if what I did even mattered.

He could only give me a watery smile and I could only look away, pack my own things. 

“Do you think they did it, because of that thing?” He asked, effectively evading the word and I shrugged. 

I didn’t think. 

I knew that was why JJ project was terminated, but I couldn’t speak those words. 

“It’s stupid if- if that’s why. It shouldn’t matter, what should matter is how well we did. It’s never affected anything, we’re still good,” He rushed out in a hurry, as if he could talk himself into believing that. 

That my ‘problem’ was something that didn’t matter, when it mattered more than he knew. 

“I’m glad though, jinyoungie, that it was you. I wouldn’t trade you for the world, no matter what, you’re my best friend,” He explained and I nodded, refolding the shirt that i’d had in my hand for what seemed like the thousandth time. 

“I would do anything to stay with you Jaebummie,” I dropped the honorific, but he didn’t seem to mind, just worked silently beside me, bumping my shoulder ever so often as he tried to hide the tears.  

We were called back to JYP’s office twenty minutes later.

 

“It was too saturated, the market and you boys couldn't keep up. But I have faith in you, so you'll stay here and train a little more, and maybe you'll debut a little more when you're ready.” I watched the words drip slick from JYP’s lips and I knew the truth, knew what he was capable of. Knew what I was capable of. Jaebum’s mouth was stretched into a grin as he couldn’t help but take sneaky glances at me. His hand was gripped tight on the back of my neck, his favorite spot and I tried to return the grin, tried to have the same excitement that he had, because I’d done this for us, I gave us a second chance. 

We moved back to the dorm and he hugged me tight, his lips pressed to my ears. 

“I told you, I told you it wasn’t because of you, I knew it wasn’t because of that. It’s just not the right time, but it will be, we’ll be together the whole way,” He spoke excitedly and I just hugged him tighter, letting him bask in the lie. 

 

The fourth time it happened, I was already waiting under the desk, my mouth open and ready.

“I’ve got a group that I want to put together,” He explained as he unzipped his pants and I frowned up at him. 

“A group? I thought it would be Jaebum hyung and I.” 

“No, I want Jaebum to be the leader, but we can’t compete with just you and Jaebum anymore. The two of you don’t have enough stage presence, there needs to be more. I’ve got some ideas for some boys, Jackson, Mark, Yugyeom, that Bambam kid, and Hyunwoo. Jackson, Mark and Bambam will rap,” He explained, taking himself out of his boxers. 

“What about me?” I asked. 

I rapped in JJ Project. 

“The group won’t need anymore rappers, Mark will be the main rapper and visual. What can you bring to the table Junior?” He asked and I bowed my head.

I would secure us a spot in this band. 

We would be great. 

 

We became Got7, a mixed group of Koreans and foreigners and I felt pushed away from JB in a way. 

Now there were five other boys in his life, five others trying to get his attention, trying to show him why they were good.

I was no longer Jaebum's favorite dongsaeng, his mischievous maknae. Now I had to take care of other boys, and Jaebum had to focus on others besides me.

Like the maknae yugyeom, he was a shy little thing that just wanted to please JB and I. Jackson was loud, intruding in everything, trying to make a home in a place that was foreign to him. The foreigners had long since created their bonds. Mark was quiet where Jackson was loud, and Bambam was trying to find away to fight for baby status against Yugyeom, so they were either best friends, or worst enemies depending on the day. Hyunwoo was a good older hyung was was strong and sweet, bouncing between babying me and being best friends with the older hyungs.

We were going to debut, we were finally going to debut.

Life had other plans. 

“He’s late, again,” Jaebum ground out and I looked at the door before looking down at my watch, Hyunwoo was over twenty minutes late.

“Maybe he’s not feeling well,” I excused and Jaebum stood straight from where he’d been stretching for the past twenty minutes.

“We’ll just go ahead and start practice without him, there is no reason to waste our time and the choreographers time,” He explained and I gave the door one more worried glance before getting up and getting into formation.

There was tapping on my door and I got up, sure it was one of the maknae, needing attention.

I opened the door to see Hyunwoo standing there, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. “Yeah?” I asked and he grabbed my wrist, pulling me out of the room and to his. 

He’d had the spare room because he was the oldest hyung. 

“I need to te- Could you- could you uh- come sleep with me?” He asked and I nodded, walking to his tiny matchbox of a room before getting on the bed beside him. 

“what’s wrong? Nightmare?” I asked him and he shrugged, turning to look at me, like he wanted to say something to me. He opened his mouth, before letting the silence consume us. He was like that sometimes, fumbling over his words, letting sentences go like he just wasn't sure he should have even started the sentence, much less finish it.

“Yeah, I guess,” He whispered and I wrapped my arms around his waist. 

“Well, Eomma’s here,” I teased and he pushed me slightly before wrapping his arms around me, breathing deeply.

I closed my eyes again, feeling myself doze off.

“Jinyoung?” I heard and I cracked my eyes open.

“Huh?” I whispered and he shook his head, resting it on mine as he squeezed it tighter.

“Never- never mind, good night.” 

The next day Hyunwoo was late to practice again.

Or rather, he just didn’t show up. 

“Hyunwoo has decided to leave the company,” Our choreographer announced and I pushed out of the dance room, dropping down in the stairwell and crying, wondering if I should have gotten on my knees for him too.

Hyunwoo was eventually replaced and we barrelled towards debut. 

Youngjae was this sunshine of a boy, a shy little thing with a big smile and a big voice. He’d been with us for the shortest time, and Jaebum took him under his wing, moving me out of our shared room and into Hyunwoo’s new room. I allowed it because something in him made me feel responsible for him, I knew he’d latched onto Jaebum hyung, and I knew that I had to do what was best for the band, for the boys.

I mean, I felt responsible for all of the boys, I did, knowing what I had to do to get us there, not that they all didn’t individually bring their own talents and graces to the band, but knowing what I had to do to keep my stain off of the band, I wanted to care for them all. 

I took the eomma role, something that came natural to me, I was raised in a house of mostly women, and I’d been taking care of Jaebum hyung for so long. 

I would always take care of him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junior becomes Jinyoung and things change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so, lot's to unpack here, there is no rape in this chapter, but it non consensual touching, and sex will be mentioned. There are mentions of racial slurs, and BLM. There is alsoa homophobic slur used as well as the use of the word slut. so be careful.

Having the boys in the band slowed it down, slowed down the visits from JYP, slowed down my degradation, to the point it wasn’t happening anymore. 

I’d been so focused on being on the lookout, I hadn’t realized that it all stopped. 

He stopped demanding my audience, stopped requesting me to get on my knees under his desk. 

I felt safe.

That was the problem.

 

“I don’t like it,” I heard Yugyeom whisper and I lowered my phone from my face. I’d been sleeping with a blanket over the glass door because Bambam complained that the light interrupted his beauty sleep, even though all I wanted to was read for a couple of hours to relax. 

“You don’t like what?” Bambam whispered and there was some shifting around that definitely sounded like bed springs bouncing. I frowned, wondering what exactly I was about to listen to, and whether I should grab some headphones or something when the noise stopped and I heard sniffling. 

“It’s just- it makes me feel weird,” Yugyeom confessed and I got out of the bed silently, creeping to the door. 

“It’s normal, I mean, you’re a great dancer, of course he wants to see you dance, wants to see what you’re learning.”

“Yeah, but why’d he make you take off your shirt? That’s- the way he looks at us is weird, it’s weird,” Yugyeom whispered with feeling. 

“He’s been making me take off my shirt since pre-debut, it’s not- it’s normal to me I guess… He wants to make sure we’re sticking to our diets, make sure we’re working hard,” Bambam excused and I felt my blood run cold. 

Not- not the Maknae, he couldn’t be doing this to the maknae.

“I know- I just, I don’t like it. I feel like we should tell.”

“Tell who? He’s a producer, he knows what he’s doing, There’s no need to worry Jinyoung Hyung or JB hyung with this, it’s nothing,” Bambam reassured him and it got quiet as they finally settled to sleep.

 

We left for the USA leg of our tour the next morning and I let the conversation from that night fade into the back of my mind. It got to the point where it was almost as if I’d conjured the conversation up, as if I dreamed it up, like those nights when I’d dream JB would hold me in his arms and whisper that he loved me, that I was safe. 

It wasn’t real. 

 

Things went wrong July 12th. 

We’d just finished our American leg of the tour, and we weren’t due for another concert until July 30th in Korea. We had ended the tour in Mark’s hometown, and we got to meet some of Mark’s less than savory friends. 

The break was a disaster, Bambam saying the N word,  Yugyeom getting drunk, knowing that he couldn’t drink in front of a camera, knowing that whatever happened should be in the confidence of the band, not in front of Mark's American friends who seemed as if they could care less about the repercussions of us making a fool out of ourselves, friends who didn’t know what the hell I had to to do to secure us a spot, to make sure that we were going to be okay. 

We sped back to Korea, a shitstorm brewing, and Bambam still getting hate, no matter how much he apologized. 

Bam wouldn’t tell the truth, wouldn’t tell everyone that Mark’s friends were the ones who told him to say it, who told him it meant bro. 

He just took the brunt of the criticism and tried his best to stay low. 

“You can’t watch the boys for a fucking night Jaebum? What kind of leader lets his band get into this kind of trouble? You couldn’t lead JJ project right, and now you can’t lead Got7, what can you do!” JYP yelled at him and he clenched his jaw, but didn’t say anything. 

“Do you understand what him saying that means? What kind of shit show that was, to say in America! They’re having enough of the black lives matter shit happening, any mention of race will fucking tank you! I shouldn’t be so surprised! You’re too lenient on them, let them get away with everything, you let the foreigners go wild, and do whatever the fuck they want, you let youngjae get a tattoo, and you let them fuck whatever they want, just like you let Junior get away with being-”

“Shut your fucking mouth!” I yelled at JYP and he looked over at me incredulously.

I wasn't supposed to speak, I was just here as second in command, but I couldn't stand by, not while he talked to Jaebum that way.

“Jaebum has been an excellent leader, if anything, everything that happened- it was out of our control, hell, it was my fault. I was the one who let Yugyeom drink. I was the one who wasn’t paying attention to what those boys were teaching them, and I’m the one who decided that I- just that has nothing to do with Jaebum and I won’t just sit here and listen to you disrespect him!”

“Jinyoung, enough,” Jaebum whispered, his voice gravel. I knew I should have stopped talking, but I was on a roll.

“No, it’s not fair, I’m not going to let him talk to you like that, you don’t deserve that.” 

“Jinyoung, I said enough!” Jaebum hissed, and I snapped my mouth together.

“Jaebum, you’re free to go.” He hissed and Jaebum left, his face rigid. 

“Is there something you want to say to me?” JYP asked and I folded my hands over my chest. 

“No.” I spat, knowing that my blatantly avoidance of honorifics would make him angry. 

“Fine, get out of my office.” he spat and I screwed my face up before slamming out.

The car ride was silent.

 

“Did you apologize?” Jaebum asked, walking into my room and I shook my head. 

I refused to apologize to that man. Fuck that shit. 

“No, and i’m not going to.” 

“Jinyoung, he was completely right, he had every right to say that I fucked up, because I did. I should have been a better fucking leader. He’s right, I let a lot slide.” 

“Oh, what, like me being a homo? Like mark and Jackson sucking each others dicks?” I asked and Jaebum clenched his fists. 

“Yeah, maybe.” 

“What the fuck do you mean yeah maybe?” I asked. 

“Maybe he’s right, maybe I should’ve told him before, maybe I should’ve been stricter, more harsh about the whole thing, I should have stopped it.” 

“Stopped what Jaebum? Stopped us from liking dick, that’s not how that works, you can’t just hit me with a rolled up piece of paper and boop i’m cured. I no longer like the feel of dick up my ass.” 

“Jinyoung, that’s vulgar and disrespectful. Tomorrow you’re going to go to JYP and apologize for your behavior.” 

“Fuck you, no I’m not!”

Before I could stop it, Jaebum’s fist connected with my cheek and I tripped back, falling onto the bed. 

“Jaebum hyung, what are you doing?” I heard Yugyeom’s high pitched voice call and I felt as his lanky arms pulled me up. 

“Asshole!” I yelled, pulling out of Yugyeom’s grip and grabbing Jaebum, trying to get my own hit in. 

“Jackson hyung! Help!” I heard Yugyeom call and I was suddenly in a headlock, Mark holding me back while Jackson held Jaebum and the rest of the boys looking lost. 

“Get out of my fucking room!” I yelled at Jaebum and he thrashed in Jackson’s arms, 

“Apologize to Park PD-nim!” He instructed.

“Fuck you!” I spat and Mark pulled me even farther back, wrestling me into the bathroom. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I could hear Jackson chastise as Mark held me against the wall until my anger had dissolved into tears. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Jaebum whispered into the top of my head and I laid facing away from him. 

The maknae were all huddled in the living room, watching television.

“You hit me.” I whispered stubbornly and he sighed. 

“I know, I’m an asshole.” 

“You are, and that was a weak ass punch, you didn’t even leave a bruise,” I spat and he laughed softly, carding his fingers through my fringe. I wanted to stay mad at him, but I couldn't, I couldn't stay mad at Jaebum, no matter what.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have been stubborn, you’re the leader for a reason, and I should listen to you.” 

I turned in his arms and he leaned his forehead against mine. 

“I shouldn’t have said that shit, about you liking boys, I had no right, and I don’t have a problem with it, you know that.” 

“Yeah, I know, I shouldn’t have kept egging it on. Friends again?” I asked and he kissed my forehead. 

“Friends again.”

 

I knocked on JYP’s door, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. 

I was prepared for the worst, always prepared for the worst with the man but I could  handle it. 

It’d been a month since my outburst, and since I’d apologized, a fake apology that I didn’t mean, and a fake acceptance that he didn’t mean. Since then, I hadn’t had to see JYP or be back in this godforsaken office.

It’d been years since he made me get under the table, since he’d made me do that stuff, and sometimes it felt like i’d imagined the whole thing, that none of that stuff actually happened, that I’d misconstrued it, like it was a plot line on a drama, something in my memory, but it didn’t happen to me, it happened to someone else. 

Maybe that was why I was doing this, doing this because that was how I felt. 

All of that stuff happened to Junior, not Jinyoung. 

Jinyoung hadn’t been held under a table, hadn’t had JYP’s dick in his mouth. 

Junior did. 

I was let into the room and I stood in front of the desk.

He didn’t look up at me, instead just let his eyes scan over the paper he was looking at. 

“Park PD-nim I came to tell you that I would like to promote as Jinyoung, instead of Junior,” I kept my eyes down, expecting to hear the chair scooch out, expecting to be beckoned under the desk. 

Instead, I got radio silence. 

I looked up at the man to see that he hadn’t stopped reading the papers. 

“Sir?” I questioned and he looked up at me finally.    
“Was there anything else?” He asked and I shook my head. 

“No Park PD-nim.”    
“Then what are you still doing here?” He asked and I frowned. 

“Is that- was that a yes?” I asked and he sighed.  

“I don’t care what name you go by,” He dismissed me coldly but I couldn’t help the smile that stretched my face. 

I thanked him, bowing deeply before making my way out of the office. 

 

I stopped in the hallway, taking a selca before typing out the caption:

_ "Starting today I will be promoting as Jinyoung, not Junior. I will become a Jinyoung who gives more effort. I ask for your abundant support! Thank you!!!" _

 

I posted it to twitter before smiling as I made it back to our dorm. 

“I saw the post, I guess our little Jinyoungie is growing up!” Jackson called, saddling up next to me, his arms already wrapped around me like a freaking koala bear. 

“Would you get off of me!” I pushed him away and Mark laughed in the background. 

“You wouldn’t say that if I were Jaebummie!” He cooed and I clenched my teeth. 

“Oh fuck off!” I muttered darkly, swatting at him and I heard an indignant squawk as Jackson hit the ground. 

“Oh, I didn’t even hit you that hard!” I complained before turning to see Jaebum sitting on him. 

“I am your hyung,” Jaebum hissed, bouncing on the man. 

“I’m sorry hyung!” Jackson called and Jaebum got up. 

“Jaebummie hyung!” Jackson teased and Jaebum kicked his leg out, knocking Jackson back to the ground before he could do anything else. 

“Leave him alone, gaga!” Mark called, and Jackson just pouted until Mark came and helped him up. 

“So how was the meeting with JYcreep?” Jackson asked and I rolled my eyes. 

“You shouldn’t address him like that,” I chastised and Jackson nodded. 

“You’re right, how was the meeting with JYcheap?”

“Jackson-ah!” Jaebum warned and he raised an arm in defense. 

“The maknae aren’t even around, they’re out walking Coco, besides, I’m telling the truth, he’s a creep,” I felt my blood run cold at Jackson’s insistence. 

“Why do you say that?” I asked and he scoffed. 

“Because, Dahyun told me that he does aegyo to them, and that’s fucking weird, he’s like 40 years old, why is he doing aegyo with them, that’s weird.” 

I let out a small breath. 

“That’s weird, not creepy Jackson-ah, and it was fine, he just- he told me it was fine if I wanted to change my name.” 

“What, he didn’t mind that you wouldn’t be  _ His Junior JYP _ any more? Appa’s little Aegi?” He crooned and Mark hit him with a throw pillow. 

“God, don’t say that, that sounds so freaking gross,” Mark scrunched up his face and I pulled my knees up.

“Mark is right, and he just said, that I should go by what I wanted.”

“So why did you change it?” Jackson asked, laying his head in Mark’s lap and looking up at me.    
“New year new me, a new grown, mature, manly me,” I explained and Mark laughed. 

“Seollal was like six months ago,” Mark commented and Jackson laughed. 

“Forget that, that's funny, a manly Jinyoung, since when is Jinyoung manly, let’s not forget JYP clocked you for the cross dresser you are!”  I rolled my eyes.

“I hate you all!” I hissed, standing up and Jaebum grabbed the nape of my neck.

“Me too?” He asked, doing horrible aegyo and I resisted the urge to kiss him.

“Ew!” Jackson called and Jaebum let me go to drop down on Jackson, punching his arms playfully. Mark tried to squirm out of the way, but ended up being dragged into the fight at Jackson’s insistence.

I smiled at the boy before making my way to my room.

Even though my room was a shoebox of a room, connected to the Maknae’s room, at least it was mine, and that was enough for me. 

I collapsed on my bed, staring at the ceiling, exciting feeling my chest at the prospect of not being Junior anymore, of being Jinyoung, of putting it all behind me. 

There was a knock on the glass and I turned my head to see Jaebum standing at the door. 

“You come to use the bathroom?” I asked and he shook his head, dropping down on the bed beside me. 

“Nope, came to talk to my best friend.” 

“Markson start making out and you decided you had to go?” I asked and he laughed rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Nope, not quite that far, but close,” He said before laying his head on my shoulder. 

“I like Jinyoung better, I always have.’ 

“Me too, it’s weird being someone’s junior, too much pressure.” 

“Yeah well, whether it’s Jinyoung or junior, I’ll always be by your side, you know that right?” I smiled back at him, feeling like it was possible to start all over again, it was possible that none of this happened to Jinyoung. 

“Always together,” I whispered into his bicep.

 

There was a knock on my door and I got out of bed, opening it to see Bambam carrying his pillow.

“Bam-ah, what’s wrong?” I asked the boy and he pushed me out of the way, climbing into my bed. I shut my door, throwing the blanket back over the glass before climbing into the bed beside of him. 

“What’s wrong? You and Gyeomy have a fight?” I goaded, and he shook his head.

It was silent for a while.

I looked over at the clock, it was way past midnight.

“Do- do I seem really gay?” Bambam finally asked and I frowned.  

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

"Like, do I seem really gay, like obviously gay?”

“Kunpimook, what are you trying to say? Are you trying to come out to me?”

“No- I mean, I don’t know.” 

I pet my hands through my hair. 

“Do I seem really gay?” I asked him and he looked me over. 

“This isn’t about you, hyung!” He joked and I pinched his cheeks.

“What is this about then?” 

“Jyp.” He whispered and I punched him lightly. 

“Now is not the time for your jokes.” 

“No, Park PD-Nim JYP.”

“What about him?” I asked and Bambam clammed up. 

“He just- it’s nothing probably, he’s just, I can’t explain it.” 

“Did he do something to you?” I asked and he shook his head. 

“No, I don’t think so, he just… he touched me, like my butt, told me you know, that I uh- I’d look really good on my knees, that there was a reason he let me dance to hush, because he knew what kind of a slut a little fag like me could be,” He started to cry and I pulled him closer to my chest. 

I wouldn’t let him do this to my boys.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung confronts JYP and Jackbam argue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is non-con in this chapter, but it is not explicitly shown. Be careful lovelies.

Bambam didn’t say anything to me the next morning, his eyes avoiding mine as he ate, trying his best to seem unfazed by it all, but I could tell that wasn’t the case.

He wasn’t good at it yet, good at pushing things away mentally, of compartmentalizing it all and putting it all away to be unpacked at a later date.

I wasn’t sure what that meant of course, I couldn’t decipher what exactly was happening with him, if he’d had the same things happen to him and he just couldn’t take it, or if it just hadn’t progressed that far.

He’d withdrawn from Yugyeom, putting distance in between them that wasn’t often seen.

We all loved each other so much, but there were just subsets that had special bonds, me and JB, Mark and Jackson, and Yugyeom and Bambam.

More than Mark and Jackson, Yugyeom and Bam were like me and Jaebum. They were attached at the hip, like two twins or something, they were best friends, so it was odd to see Bambam recoil away from him, odd to see Bambam push away Yugyeom’s playing, odd to see Bambam sitting in the corner of the couch, buried quietly in his phone as Yugyeom pouted like a lost puppy, wondering why they were fighting.

I had to do something about it.

 

“Hyung?” I heard and I turned to look at Youngjae who was carrying Coco under his arms like she was a football. I'd been so lost in my thoughts, I hadn't realized that I was sitting on the couch, staring of into space. Bambam was scrowling through Instagram, his headphones in.

“Yes Youngjae?”

He tilted his head to look me over and I rubbed at my knees anxiously.

“What’s wrong with Bam?” He whispered, his eyes flicking to the boy who was less than two feet away and I cleared my throat.

“He’s probably just a little homesick, we have been touring a lot lately, and working hard on our comeback, I’m sure he’s just tired and homesick,” I excused.

“Are you okay then? You’ve been a little out of it too, every since your fight with Jaebum hyung.”

Had I been acting strange since the fight?

“We’re fine and I’m fine. I promise Jae-ah. That fight was ages ago, nothing to be worried about. How are you doing though? Nothing strange going on with you, right?” I asked, and he frowned, shaking his head.

“My back is fine, I’m feeling alright.” Youngjae promised and I sighed, running my hands through his hair.

“That’s good, you’ll tell me if anything weird happens, anything that makes you uncomfortable, yeah?” I asked and he frowned.

“Like if I get sick?” He asked and I just nodded.

“Of course Jae-ah, you know you’re my favorite dongsaeng!” I cooed and I heard Yugyeom make an indignant squawk as he walked into the living room, dropping down on the couch between me and Bambam.

“Excuse me! I’m your favorite!” Yugyeom called and I raised my eyebrow.

“Run that again?”

“I’m you’re favorite dongsaeng, Bam is your favorite yeodongsaeng, and Youngjae hyung is your favorite puppy.”

“Fuck off Yugyeom!” Bambam hissed, pushing the boy off the couch and storming their shared room. Yugyeom stared after him, his face red with embarrassment and anger.

“Why is he mad at me? I didn’t do anything to him. I’m not the reason he has to talk to JYP this afternoon, he’s the one who should have stayed out of trouble,” Yugyeom pouted and I clenched my teeth, knowing that I had to stop that meeting from happening.

I knew what was going to happen.

“I’ll be back, give him some time to cool off, then apologize,” I instructed before slipping into my shoes and heading to the company building.

 

I knocked on the JYP’s office door and he called me in, not looking up.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked and he sighed, pinching his temple.

“Can we not do this right now? I’ve got an appointment later on and I’d rather not have to see him after dealing with you.”

“You’re not keeping that appointment with Bambam. You’re not doing this to him. I refuse it.”

He finally looked up, a spark of interest on his face.

“Oh, you’re jealous of the Maknae, Junior? You miss the ‘special treatment?”

“Don’t call me that,” I hissed and he pushed out from his desk. I walked around, dropping onto my knees and he laughed, grabbing a fistful of my hair.

“You’re like a little pavlovian dog, you hear a chair scooch and your mouth waters,” He taunted and I clenched my eyes shut, trying not to let his words get to me.

“Who says I want you like this anymore? Who says I’m not happy with bambam?” I gripped my thighs.

“Who says you’re enough?”  
“I know I’m not enough, I know I've never been enough, not for JJ project and not for GOT7, but I refuse to let you do that to him, I refuse. You use me or you get nothing.”

“I don’t think you’re in the position to demand things, J _unior_.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Why? I made you this. You haven’t apologized for any of that disrespect and you come barging into my office, begging and bartering like you own it. It’s going to take a lot more than your mouth to convince me that you’re worth it, your maknae are growing up so beautiful, and they are such dirty sluts,” He tugged on my hair particularly hard.

“No! Please not- they’re just kids, don’t-” I choked, feeling tears coming to my eyes.

“You’ve always been so soft, such an good eomma, taking care of her kids,” he degraded me and I looked up at him, feeling something inside of my chest break.

It was small, like a little skin tag that had been pinched by a door, something you hadn’t really known could hurt, but it did.

He traced his hands over my face before pulling away quickly.

"What are you going to do for them, Junior?"

I pushed myself up, unbuttoning my shirt before turning away from him and unbuttoning my pants.

My brain went fuzzy as I gripped the table.

 

I stared up at my ceiling, a book laying forgotten on the side of my bed next to the clothes that I’d worn today.

I’d been a virgin.

I’d never been touched there, and now I had been, I wasn’t a virgin anymore, and this wasn’t _Junior,_ this was Jinyoung, and I was splintering a little, my world fractured as the base of my spine ached.

I had to stay strong, had to remember that I was doing this for a reason, doing this for Bambam, doing this for my band, for my boys.

There was a knock on my door and I pulled my blanket around myself, wrapping myself up in the thick layer as I tried to disappear.

Bambam slipped in the room, climbing into my bed and laying his head on my shoulder.

I leaned against him in the silence, waiting to hear that I wasn’t good enough, that he’d touched him anyway.

“He apologized to me, said he was sorry for speaking to me like that, told me that he wouldn’t say anything like that again,” Bambam whispered into the dark and I just closed my eyes, feeling that odd warmth bubble up that told me that I’d done the right thing, that i’d done some good.

 

I sat across the couch from Bambam, watching him closely.

It seemed like I was always doing that lately, watching him closely as if I expected to find out something great or important about him, as if I’d figure out what was happening, or rather if anything happened after the talk by just looking at him.

It'd been a couple of days since my 'meeting' with JYP and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to happen to show me that I still wasn't good enough.

I wouldn’t put it past JYP to go back on his word, to hurt the maknae even while he were fucking me, just because he could. He had all the power in this, he could treat us however he wanted, and had shown us that often.

I remembered the hits we’d taken as trainees whenever we messed up a song, or a dance move, or just weren’t good enough.

I wouldn’t be shocked if he decided that he could do whatever he wanted, that he could go back on his promise of leaving the kids alone just because he could.

Part of me wondered how far it had went before I stepped in, if he’d made it to being under the desk like me.

When it was me, it wasn’t like it happened every day, it’s just, it happened monthly, if not more frequently, and for it all to go away so quickly, you had to wonder exactly what happened to make it stop so suddenly.

But by then, Got7 had gotten popular, and maybe there was no need for it, or maybe he’d found it somewhere else.

Maybe other idol groups had caught my slack.

Or maybe Bambam had.

I wanted to ask him about it, wanted to ask just how far it went, and if it’d happened again, but I knew he wouldn’t tell me if it had. He’d tell me that only what he’d told me that first time happened, even if it weren’t true, and that scared me.

But, if I asked JYP what happened, he’d lie as well, just to make me feel horrible, he’d probably over exaggerate to let me know that what I was doing for him wasn’t enough, that I wasn’t enough.

He’d ask if I were jealous, as if I could be jealous of my family being hurt.

“Jinyoung-ah you in there?” I jumped at the feel of a hand on my shoulder before looking up.

“Didn’t mean to scare you, You were just so spaced out,” Mark said, sitting down between me and Bambam.

“I’m fine, just tired,” I lied, and he nodded sympathetically, patting my thigh.

I tried to contain my flinching, I really did.

“I’m so tired!” Jackson whined, climbing onto the couch and spreading himself all the way across, his head in Mark’s lap.

He prodded at my legs with his fingers.

“Jinyoungie! Why am I so tired! Why did I decide to subject myself to JYP’s cruelty?” He whined.

“Because you were no good at fencing?” I tried to joke, slapping his hands away with more force than I meant.

“Ouch!” Yugyeom called as he sat down on the floor in front of bambam.

I guess they were back on good terms.

“Why does Jinyoung die in all our videos?” Youngjae asked from the floor, his head on Yugyeom’s thigh. He’d obviously not been paying attention to our conversation, instead monitoring our newest video.

“Yeah, why does Jinyoung always get to die in our videos? Why can’t it be me?”Jackson whined, always finding a way to bring everyone into a conversation.

“Oh, trust me, I wish it were you too,” Jaebum added, squeezing onto the couch, pulling me halfway in his lap to make sure he didn’t knock Bambam over the side.

“Because he can actually act, unlike you,” Bambam teased and I found myself smiling despite myself.

A savage Bambam was a happy Bambam.

“No, it’s because of Jinyoung’s very special relationship with JYP!” Jackson babbled and I stiffened.

“What do you mean?” I stammered out, my heart starting to race uncontrollably in my chest. What if he figured everything out, everyone would know, and they would hate me. He looked up at me from Mark’s lap.

“Well, you do get to star in the videos, you tell me what dirty things you did for it, Jinyoung,” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows and I let out a half breath, realizing that he was joking.

“That’s not fucking funny!” Bambam growled and I looked at the small boy.

“What-”

“That’s a gross thing to say, gross and fucking rude, why would you say that about Jinyoung hyung? Take it back now,” Bambam’s fists were curled at his side.

“It was just a jok-”

“I don’t fucking care, take it back! Apologize to him, you asshole!” His face was red, and still so angry.

“Don’t talk to me like that, you disrespectful brat!” Jackson spat out sourly and Bambam pushed Jackson’s feet from on top of him, nearly toppling the man off of the couch.

“You’re the one disrespecting Jinyoung hyung.” Bambam leveraged.

“I’m his hyung and I am your hyung, watch your tone.”

“No, you can’t say shit like that, it’s it’s so wrong, don’t say that. Apologize!”

“Gaga, apologize,” mark whispered and Jackson sat up.

“No, I’m not apologizing, I wasn’t even talking to him, I was joking with Jinyoung, if anything, he should apologize to me,” Jackson pouted.

“I’m not fucking apologizing to him,” Bambam looked increasingly like he wanted to cry and pummel Jackson in the same breath.

“Kunpimook,” I warned quietly and his eyes fell onto mine.

“He should apologize hyung,” He whimpered.

“He’s right, you should apologize, both of you, what Jackson said wasn’t funny, but you shouldn’t have yelled at him like that,” Jaebum said, putting on his leader voice and Bambam sneered.

“I’m not apologizing to him, you said I was right,” Bam spoke, crossing his arms and Jaebum sighed.

“Yes, but he’s your hyung, and you shouldn’t speak to him like that.”

“So, i’m still not apologizing,” Bambam spat out indignantly.

“Fine, go to your room then, I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night. If you’re going to act like a kid, i’m going to treat you like one.”

Bambam stomped off to his room and I felt the bottom of my stomach drop.

It was my fault he got in trouble.

“You too Jackson.”

“Me too what?” He asked.

“You’re going to your room too, I’m serious, that argument was childish.”

“You’re only a couple of months older than me, you can’t send me to my room.”

“I’m your leader and you’re acting like a child, go!”

“Gaga, go,” Mark said firmly and Jackson got up with a huff, going to his and Mark’s shared room.

“Well, that escalated quickly,” Youngjae said and Jaebum let his head fall against the side of mine.

The room cleared out quickly now that there was tension hanging over us and I let my eyes closed.

There was enough room for me to sit on the couch, but I liked being in Jaebum’s lap.

It reminded me of JJ project, when it was just us and we couldn’t get enough of each other, when we stuck together like glue because we were the only people we could trust. 

“Was I too hard on them?” Jaebum asked softly and I looked up at him.

He didn’t want my answers. Wanted to think through it on his own, like he tended to, to prove to himself that he was a good leader.

“He’s not a disrespectful kid, what could have possibly gotten into his head?” Jaebum asked and I shrugged, even though I already knew.

“He’s tired, we all are. I’m sure it’ll be better in the morning,” I said and he laughed, shaking his head.

“I don’t know why, but I swear, you said that and I heard you say jagiya in my head, like. It sounded like something my Eomeoni would say to my Appa,”

“Well, like I’ve said before, I’m his mom,” I teased, trying to hide my blush.

“You’re not a very good one, you let them get that far before butting in,” Jaebum joked, even though it felt like a knife.

“Excuse me, you let it go farther before you stepped in,”

“You’re right, we’d be terrible parents,”

“Speak for yourself, kids love me.”

“And they cry at my face, yeah I know. No need to rub in it,” He poked my side and I turned to look at him.

“Yeah, I don’t think I could take it if our kids cried every time they looked at you.”

“Good thing we don’t have a family together,” He joked.

“What do you call those 5 idiots?” I pointed off towards the bedrooms.

“A huge mistake, if only we’d been smarter and stayed just the two of us,” He sighed.

“Oh, you love them.”

“I love you, them, I tolerate for your sake.”   
“Spoken like a true appa,” I joked and he pushed me off before stretching his back.

“I’d better get to bed. Good night Jinyoungie.”

“Good night Jaebummie hyung.”

 

I crept into my bedroom to see it wasn’t empty. Bambam was lying under my blanket, huddled in the middle of the bed.

I climbed in with him and he laid his head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry I got mad at Jackson hyung, it’s just- it wasn’t funny. He doesn’t know, he doesn’t know that you got JYP from being- he doesn’t understand,” Bambam breathed and I kissed his forehead, hoping that Bambam didn’t understand either.

“It’s okay, Jackson didn’t know, you’re right about that, only you and I know, so you and I know that what he said wasn’t true, we know what happened, and that’s what matters,” I spoke even though that wasn’t the truth either.

We both didn’t know what really happened.

I don’t know if Bambam was forced  to do sexual things with JYP, and he doesn’t know that I do sexual things with him either.

“And gyeomie,” Bambam whispered.

“What?”

“He knows that JYP gets weird but he doesn’t- _know know_. He hadn’t touched him, just made him feel weird.”

“But he touched you?” I pried.

“Once, but you stopped it from going any farther,” He supplied and I tried to take that at face value.

“How long had he been making you two feel weird?”

“He’s been making me take off my clothes since pre-debut, but that time was the first that he’d ever touched me,” Bambam explained and I just shook my head.

“What did you do to make him leave me alone, hyung?” Bambam asked me and I let out a deep breath.

“I just told him that there were issues with the maknae line and that I would appreciate it if he didn’t make you do things you were uncomfortable with, I explained calmly that those things can be misconstrued and that he shouldn’t do that anymore,” I lied and he nodded into my chin.

“Thank you hyung,” He whispered and I kissed his forehead.

Only I knew what went down in that room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark finds out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> non-con again in this chapter, but nothing is very graphic, and use of the word slut, be careful.

I opened my room door, pulling my soiled clothing off as I make my way to the bathroom. We didn’t have a schedule planned, which meant I could lay down for a couple of hours and let my mind rest, let my body become one with my mattress as my mind takes a vacation from my body. My body pained me, his hands particularly rough today, his words even more caustic. 

I kicked the clothes under my bed before walking into the bathroom and turning on the shower. 

I stared in the mirror, watching as the bruised body in it was slowly and surely whisked away in layers of condensation and fog.

I could try to catalogue each bruise, each bite mark but what would be the point? They weren’t trophies even though they caused me a deep sense of pride. It was perverse in that way, but important. They reminded me what I was doing this for, what the stakes were, and even if this hurt me, it would hurt them more. 

I stepped into the water, the droplets pelting my flesh in waves of heat and pain as I watched the filth that hadn’t become attached to my clothing wash down the drain quickly. 

I kept my head down, closed my eyes as the water beat down my shoulder blades, turning my skin red with the heat as I ran my cloth down my body. 

I trailed it between my legs, hating the way I had to scoop the liquid out of me, the way it made my thighs feel tacky and dirty. 

I finally turned off the water once the whole room was just steam and grabbed my towel, drying myself off.

I draped it around my body, realizing that I’d forgotten to grab pajamas from my room, because I was in such a rush to scrub his filth out of me. 

I stopped in my tracks, my eyes spotting movement from my bedroom.

I wasn’t alone.

Mark was stooped next to the bottom of my bed, his attention turned towards a small pile of clothes. 

“What are you doing?” I forced out, trying to make myself sound annoyed, and not fucking scared. 

“I should be asking you that,” Mark spoke, standing up, the bundle of clothes still in his hands. 

“I wouldn’t hold that so close to your face if I were you.”

I was going for nonchalance, if I presented him finding my blood and cum stained underwear as no big deal, maybe he would see it that way too, and maybe he would drop it, drop it and leave me alone. No questions asked meant no pesky explanations, no pesky explanations meant no one would know the type of slut I was, that I was sleeping with my producer.

“What is this Jinyoung-ah” He demanded and I sighed. 

“What does it look like Mark?” I pushed past him, grabbing a large pullover and a baggy pair of sweatpants that had to have belonged to one of the other boys. I pulled the clothing over my body, trying my best to ignore the movement, or rather lack of movement from the other boy in the room.

I dropped onto my bed, pulling back the duvet and Mark grabbed my hand, forcing me to stop. 

“It looks like a month’s worth of dirty underwear.” 

“Well, then you know what it is, goodbye,” I dismissed him, wrenching my hand away to finish pulling the blanket over my form. He grabbed his shoulder, flipping me in the bed to face him, taking my breath away with the motion.

“If you don’t want to talk to me, I’ll get Jaebum in here and he’ll get to the bottom of it,” He threatened and I pushed him off of me. 

“What do you want me to say Mark? Whatever you want me to say, I’ll say it.” I sat up in bed gently, trying to hide my wince. 

“Jinyoung, I want you to tell me the truth, you’ve been spacing out lately, spending most of your time in bed, hiding dirty clothes, that’s not you and I'm worried, Taehyung told me when Yoongi was depressed he used to do this, used to lay around all the time, lock out the boys, sleep all day,” Mark began and I shook my head. 

“I'm not depressed alright, I'm not going to kill myself or something.” 

“Then how do you explain this? What even is all over these…” His face dropped as he picked up the pair I was wearing today. 

“That’s, that’s semen isn’t it?” Mark asked and I could feel my face turn red.

“Yeah so, it happens,” I snatched the underwear out of his hands, throwing them to the floor. I could feel the mortification creeping up my spine, the fog that my brain seemed to halfway linger in building back up.

“It happens? Jinyoung, you’re a virgin.”

“Not anymore,” I whispered, hugging myself tight. 

“Why not anymore? You said you wanted your first time to be with Jaebum,” 

“Yeah, and if I would have kept waiting, I would have died a virgin. It’s not a big deal, mark, please don’t make it one.” 

“It is a big deal jinyoung, because Jackson and I barely have the time for that and we live in the same house, much less you and whoever this mystery guy could be, it doesn’t make sense, none of this does, why would you save the underwear jinyoung, look me in the eye and tell me that makes sense to you, because there is only one thing I'm thinking, one thing that would make sense and I don’t want to say it,” Mark whispered and I looked up at him.

“Say it,” I whispered and he shook his head. 

“You were wearing these when you went to see JYP...”  

“Tell me what it is Mark, tell me what you think is going on, you think I'm a slut huh? That’s what it is, well it’s true, I'm a fucking slut, there are you happy? I'm sleeping with JYP, is it better now, is it okay, can you just drop it!” I hissed, tears falling down my face and Mark wrestled me into a hug. I fought against him before just letting my body go limp.

He pulled me into his arms, rocking me slightly as I cried against his shoulders. 

“How long has this been going on?” Mark asked and I shrugged. 

“A month, but other stuff since before JJ project,” I spilled and his grip tightened as if he thought he could save me if he just held me tighter.

“You were young then, only 15 when you got signed,” He mused

“He waited until I was legal before he made me- before then it was only touching, and then it stopped, but then-” I didn't know how to finish that sentence. But then he went after Bambam, but then he decided my mouth wasn't enough, but then he took my ass? There was no way to end it, so I just let it go.

“We could tell someone, we could get him in trouble,” Mark spoke when he realized I wasn't going to speak anymore.

I wrenched away from his strong grip.

“No we can’t. It’s be another Open World, and no one would believe me anyway. That’s the way it is here, especially because I'm a boy, and I'm gay, no one would believe-” I sobbed harder, tucking my face into my knees. 

“You can’t tell anyone, please Mark you can’t tell,” I begged and he frowned. 

“Jinyoung-ah” he began and I grabbed his shirt. 

“Please Mark, please!”

“Fine, but as soon as we figure something out, we’re telling someone, you understand?” He asked and I nodded, knowing there was nothing that would ever make this right. 

 

“So who else knows?” Mark asked, cornering me in the kitchen. I’d risen early this morning, hoping that I’d get some solitude before any of the boys woke up and caught me. I should have counted on Mark being awake as well. I shook my head, reaching for a mug.

“No one.” 

“But Bambam, he was getting all defensive on your behalf,” Mark pondered and I looked around.

It couldn’t be safe to have this conversation in the open, but no one else was awake yet, so maybe it would be okay.

“He knows from personal experience, he doesn't know what I'm doing,” I whispered before starting the kettle.

“Personal experience, like that creep’s fucking him too?” He asked and I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my body.

“No, bambam was… being groomed, but it never went past that,”

“He stopped messing with you until after you changed your name… because you told him to use you instead of Bambam?” Mark asked and I frowned at the boy. How could he just put it together so easily? Was it such an obvious concept that mark could just figure it out without any guidance from me? Was I that transparent and if so, why hadn’t Jaebum caught on yet?

“You are too smart for your own good,” I hissed and an arm wrapped around my shoulder. I flinched away.

“Get off of him Gaga,” Mark pushed the older boy off of me and I took a step back, leaning against the counter.

“What, you jealous? Babe Jinyoung is only a side ho, you're my number one,” he said in English and Mark wrinkled up his face, punching the boy in the shoulder.

“Don't say that about Jinyoung and don't be so sure you're not the side ho,” he tagged on in an effort to not seem so serious, but Jackson seemed to catch on and his face shuttered quickly before he draped his arms over Mark and began to whine something in Chinese at the boy that had Mark laughing.

“No, don’t worry, you’re still my favorite,” Mark teased the man in English. I looked away from the couple, feeling suddenly out of place.

I poured the tea in my mug, deciding having tea in my room would be better than hanging around in the kitchen.

I locked my door to keep someone from busting in on me, my room had been like a bus stop lately. 

I stared at the pile of clothes that I’d been trying to hide before sighing. 

I couldn’t logistically throw them away, we didn’t make enough money to splurge on such things and have luxuries, and there were certain things that I refused to give up, like being able to give my eomeoni the nice things she deserved. Besides, it wasn’t like I could just go to an outlet store and buy cheaper clothing, i’d get recognized, and sending other people wouldn’t work either because who the fuck would go out and buy me new clothes without asking how these clothes got wrecked, and I didn’t want people asking those questions either. 

I’d have to wash them, but i didn’t want to mix them in with the boys, because that would be a whole issue there too. 

I dropped them into the shower, turning it on and being thankful that no one else was up and about this morning. 

Hopefully I wouldn’t get a boy banging on my door begging for the bathroom for at least thirty minutes.

I watched the grime from the articles of clothing swirl around the drain, turning the water translucent before grabbing the nearest body wash and pouring it on the batch. 

It was Youngjae’s maybe, well, I’d buy him some more later, it’d be alright. 

I scrubbed the clothes together over the stains before letting them rinse back over the drain.

I finally picked them up and wrung them out before deciding to hang them in the closet because I couldn’t leave them out in the open. 

There was a knock on my door and I closed my closet before unlocking my door. 

“You’re not ready yet?” Jaebum stood at my door, his duffel bag hanging off of his shoulder and I looked down at my pajama clad body.

“No, I lost track of time,” I mumbled and he laughed. 

“Reading again?” He asked, wrangling me in his arms and I gave a weak shrug as I leaned into his body. 

“You haven’t even touched your tea, are you okay?” He asked, his hands coming up to my forehead and I pushed him away weakly. 

“I'm fine Jaebum-ah!” I swatted him at him and he trapped me in his arms, pinching my side. 

“That’s hyung to you!” He admonished lightly and I rolled my eyes at him. 

“Don’t you mean Oppa?” I teased and he pushed me away.

“You’re too much. Get dressed, we’re leaving in five minutes,” He instructed and I saluted him weakly before moving to my drawers as he left the room. 

I felt arms wrap around me and I flinched.

I’d been laying in my bed after a long day at practice, and  hadn’t even heard my door open, let alone feel someone sneak into my bed.

Rehearsals had been so intense this week, it seemed like it’d drifted away without my consent. 

I hardly remembered any of it.

“Hey, it’s just me, calm down,” Jaebum instructed, rubbing lightly over my stomach.

“What are you doing?” I whispered and he leaned his forehead against the back of my head. 

“Jackson was in the bathroom so I came in here, you were having a nightmare,” he soothed and I touched my hands to my face. 

I’d been crying.

I hadn’t even realized that I’d fallen asleep. 

“I'm fine now,” I whispered and he tugged on my shoulder until I turned to face him. 

“No you’re not Jinyoungie, you know you can’t lie to me, come on,” He pulled me close to him and I began to sob openly, pushing my face into his shoulder.

I was so tired, and I wanted to just tell him, let it pour from my mouth. 

“What happened in your dream?” He asked and I could feel myself clam up. 

I couldn’t remember it, it was floating from my brain too quickly, but I knew who was in it. 

“I just- I had a dream I was drowning and no one would save me,” I lied and he kissed my forehead. 

“You’re safe here, with me. I promise, I’ll always save you, you and me forever,” He whispered before kissing my nose and I closed my eyes, hugging him even closer to me, my legs clinging to his body even though I knew he should leave. 

He should definitely leave, yet I didn’t want him to go.

He wiped at the tears flowing down my face and kissed each cheek before leaning down, attaching his lips to mine. 

 

I opened my eyes to an empty bed and sighed, feeling the cold sheets. 

I had a day off today, I could relax, read a book, forget about my overly realistic dreams. 

It was always the worst when I dreamt of Jaebum holding me, taking care of me when I knew it would never happen. Especially not now.

My phone went off and I turned to look at it.

 

_ Jyp: my office, before noon. _

I checked the time, nine. 

 

My phone buzzed again. 

 

_ JYP: the sooner the better, I don’t have all day to wait on you _

 

_ Me: I'm on my way. _

 

I got out of bed, going to the pile of hand washed underwear in my closet and grabbing a pair, even though they were still slightly damp. 

I pulled on some dark track pants, something to hide stains easily, and an oversized hoodie. I grabbed a hat and a sick mask. 

I walked into the living room to see Jaebum sitting on the couch. 

“Where are you going?” He asked and I looked at my feet, my cheeks burning as I stepped into my shoes. 

“I'm uh- heading out to get some more books,” I lied and he got off the couch. 

“Oh, I can come with you, we can maybe grab breakfast.” 

“No thank you,” I whispered. 

“Come on, it’ll be like old times, just the two of us,” 

“No thank you hyung, I really just want to be alone,” I bit out and I could hear him drop his phone on the table.

“Oh. Jinyoung wait. We need to talk-”   
“I’ll see you when I get back, I’ve really got to go hyung,” I said as I left the dorm in a hurry. 

 

I knocked on JYP’s door and he beckoned me in. 

“Producer nim,” I greeted and he motioned for me to close and lock his door. I did as he said and pulled down his shade for extra measure. 

“You didn’t even put any effort into today, I'm disappointed,” He claimed as he closed his laptop, pushing it to the side of his desk. 

He instructed his secretary to hold all of his calls for the next thirty minutes through his phone intercom before unbuttoning his pants. 

“Track pants and a pullover, not attractive.”

“I'm tired of getting cum all over my nice jeans,’ I spat out and he laughed. 

“Oh, well, excuse me, you know that Bambam has an impeccable style, so soft, so feminine, I’d bet I could get him to dress up for me pretty.  I’d get him to dance for me, you know how much he likes to flaunt that little ass of his,” He taunted and I slapped the man quickly, my mind clouded.

“Don’t talk about him like that!” I hissed and he rubbed at his jaw with a chuckle before grabbing my jaw, pinching it hard as he forced me back against the desk. 

“Oh, Junior, are you jealous?”   
“Don’t call me that,” my words were jumbled by his fingers. 

“Oh baby, don’t be jealous, I'm going to give it to you, I promise,” He pulled my track pants down my thighs, his hands coming to grip me firm. 

“No, not-,” I began and he let go, his fingers trailing up to my hip bones and squeezing tight. I wasn’t sure what I was trying to say, Not there, not yet, not ever- it didn’t matter though because the time for speaking was over.

My words were gone.

He turned me over, his mouth attaching to my shoulder blades. 

I closed my eyes, feeling as his lips moved farther down the expanse of my back before getting to my ass, his teeth sinking in painfully as he bent me over. 

 

I pulled my clothes back on, my back sore and my mind feeling blank again. 

“Oh, you cum?” He questioned and I nodded, my head down low. 

“I did,” I whispered and he opened his laptop, not sparing me a glance.

I took that as my sign to get going, there was nothing else for us to say.

I didn’t cum, I never did and I hoped that I never would, but I refused to tell him that. I didn’t want him to think that I wanted him to reciprocate any sort of favor, I didn’t want his hands on me, and I definitely didn’t want him in me for longer than necessary. 

There were some things that were off limits, I would never let that man kiss me and I would never let him make me cum. 

 

I opened the door, readjusting my sick mask and limping back to the dorm. 

I kept my head down, trying my hardest to pretend like I wasn’t walking with a limp before making my way to my room, shedding my clothes as I got into the shower. 

No blood swirled down the drain today, just semen. 

“Where were you?” I heard Mark ask and I didn’t even look out of the shower. I hadn’t heard him come in, but it didn’t matter much anyway, I had no privacy.

“With JYP,” I answered softly.

“And where did you tell Jaebum you were going?” He asked. 

“Bookstore.”

“Park Jinyoung go to the bookstore and come home without one? Can you make it more obvious that you were lying?” He asked and I reached my hand out for a towel. 

He obliged and I turned off the water, wrapping myself up. 

“Maybe I decided there wasn’t anything good to catch my eye,” I bent down, pulling underwear over my legs.

“Not likely,” He hissed before I felt hands on my ass that I knew belonged to Mark.

I stood up sharply and his face blanched. 

“I forgot- I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, it’s a habit,” He began to apologize and I laughed uncontrollably. 

He just stared at me.

“It’s fine, it’s normal, that’s what I want, normal,” I explained, feeling a little lighter than I had before the shower, feeling a little more like Jinyoung.

He laughed hollowly. 

“There’s nothing normal about any of this,” He whispered. 

“Yeah, well my life hasn’t been normal since 2009, it’ll never be normal, so excuse me if my bandmates groping me is the closing thing I can get to it,” I complained before pulling on my pants. 

My body had never belonged to me anyway, at least I knew when Mark touched my butt, he wasn’t trying to do more.

“Let’s just try to make this normal Mark, please, for my sake,” I whispered and he sighed but nodded, handing me my shirt


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung's bruises are discovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is more slutshaming in this chapter, be careful

I finished getting dressed and made my way to the living room, climbing onto the couch that was currently unoccupied. 

I finally moved back into the living room after spending most of the morning in my bed. I was sleeping, but I couldn’t explain what exactly I had been doing. I climbed onto the couch that was currently unoccupied, thinking about stretching across it and finishing my ‘morning meditation’.

“Hyung, you’ve been gone all morning,” Youngjae complained, sitting beside me and I looked over at the clock. It had only been a couple of hours since JYP called me into his office, but I wasn’t gone that long.

“I was gone for an hour tops Jae.”   
“Yeah, but it felt like longer, Jaebum hyung woke me up early,” He complained and I ran my hands through his hair. He leaned into my side.

“I'm sorry, Jaebum is no fun,” I appeased and I felt a light brush of a hand smacking my shoulder. 

“That’s my seat!” Yugyeom complained and I tried to muster a competent glare for the boy. 

He didn’t care about the seat, he wanted to play, and I was so tired. 

Bambam climbed on top of me, pulling my legs out so that I was nearly laying on the couch and I just closed my eyes. 

“Hey take it easy on Hyung, he’s having a rough day,” Mark scolded the boys. 

“What’s wrong with hyung?” Youngjae asked and Bambam stopped trying to climb behind me, which had been his ultimate goal.

“He’s just tired, get off,” Mark pulled Bam off of me before scooting between me and Youngjae. 

“Coco needs a walk, go take her out,” Mark instructed and the boys pulled away from me, going to take the puppy out to play. 

“You okay?” He asked and I just nodded into the couch arm. 

“My lower back hurts,” I complained and I felt as he massaged it softly. 

I dozed off. 

  
  


“What happened to Jinyoung’s back?” I heard and I opened my eyes sluggishly. Somehow in my sleep I had managed to bury my face into the back cushion, shielding my eyes from the view of the other boys.

Jaebum was standing behind me and I tried to snuggle back into the couch.

If everyone could be quiet, I knew I could get back to sleep. 

Mark was stammering behind me as well and I finally turned my head to see what they were talking about. I needed to put whatever this was to rest so I could return to my nap.

“It’s just sore, what-” I realized my shirt had ridden up and with gentle prodding, I could feel the little mouth shaped bruises left there. 

“Oh-” I made a soft noise in the back of my throat, pulling down the shirt as I sat up.

“That’s why you didn’t want me to go with you this morning? Were you meeting up with a boyfriend?” Jaebum asked and I shook my head, knowing what would happen if I agreed, if I said that I was seeing someone on the outside it was all over, he’d expect me to end it and when I turned up with more bruises, he’d get suspicious and Jaebum wouldn’t keep my JYP secret to himself. He’d assume I was breaking the dating ban, and as leader, he’d be obligated to tell, especially since it wasn’t another member, but an outsider who could wreck it all for us.

“I gave it to him,” I heard Mark blurt and silence descended upon the room. 

“What?” Jackson breathed and I refused to look at the man.

I hadn’t even realized he was in the room.

“I put the hickies on his back, me and Jinyoung have been hooking up,” Mark lied and I just kept my eyes on the couch arm.

“Gaga, wait,” I heard before the door slammed shut.

Mark got off the couch and I finally chanced a glance away from the dull pattern. 

Jaebum was the only one still standing here. 

“Hyung?” I whispered and he opened his mouth like he was going to say something before turning away and walking to his room.

 

It was tense in the dorm for the rest of the day. Jackson and Mark’s fight had cooled off from the explosive anger of before, but was replaced by a chilled silence that seemed to seep through the whole dorm. 

I’d retreated to my room, unsure if I should go and mitigate, make sure I didn’t ruin them or not.

But I was tired and Jaebum’s silence was already too much. 

I’d contemplated confessing to Jaebum, back before the fall of JJ project, but I’d always been unsure. I mean, it wasn’t as if I got to spend a lot of time with anyone that wasn’t JB hyung, and even though we didn’t always get along during those days, I still, I found myself into him. But of course, I pushed it to the side, because that kind of thing was unacceptable, and I knew that it Jaebum supported me in theory, but I’d always been unsure of how he’d feel if I put it to practice. That was the way it seemed to be, people didn’t care if someone was gay until they did gay shit, then it was a problem. 

I’d piled myself under my blanket and grabbed a book, hoping it would distract me from the sound of the door slamming shut. That was definitely Jaebum leaving the dorm. Hopefully this book would work as a distraction.

I needed my mind to stop fluttering back and forth, worried about what he was going to do, what he would say. What if he told JYP?

I finally emerged from my bed at the behest of Bambam to come get dinner. 

I walked into the kitchen, grabbing one of Mark Hyung’s shitty microwaveable meals before going to fix it and eat it. 

We’d generally order out on nights like this, where it was too lazy to cook, and we wanted to treat ourselves for the job well done, but we were a little splintered at the moment and Jaebum wasn’t home to organize everything and I was still too sore and tired to get us anything as a group.

“Did you all eat?” I asked the Maknae line as they crowded around the kitchen behind me. 

“Yeah, we had chicken earlier when we called out and no one answered.” Youngjae answered. 

“We thought you all had gone out, but Bam said he saw you in your room earlier. Where’s Jaebum hyung?” Yugyeom asked and I shrugged, taking the dinner out of the microwave and stirring it up. 

It was macaroni and cheese. 

Mark loved the stuff. 

“Isn’t that Mark hyung’s?” Bambam asked and I nodded, grabbing a disposable spoon that Mark kept around because he hated washing the stuff off of the silverware, and chopsticks coated in orange powder cheese was no fun. 

“Yeah so?” I asked, a little miffed that they wouldn’t let me retreat to my blanket fortress. 

“He doesn’t even let Jackson eat those things, something you want to tell us Hyung?” Yugyeom teased. 

“Yeah something you want to tell them Jinyoung?” I turned to see Jackson at the door, his face set in a scowl. He must have heard me emerge from my room. I hadn’t even realized that he was still here. 

“Shut up Jackson,” I spat, wanting to throw away the cup and just lay down without it. 

“That’s hyung to you, isn’t it,” He was never this callous and I could see the Maknae were picking up something was wrong. 

“Not in front of them, don’t start this,” I hissed and he frowned.

“Why not in front of them? You don’t want them to know?” 

“Not in front of them because they aren’t involved in it Jackson.”

“But they are Jinyoung, all of us are involved in this because what you did affects all of us!” 

“What’s going on? What did we miss?” Youngjae asked cautiously and I could see Yugyeom looking between the both of us, fear in his eyes. 

He was always so sensitive to our moods, and got upset easily. Not to mention he had to step into the fight between Jaebum and I. 

“Hey, go to your room guys,” I heard Mark call and the three Maknae squeezed past Jackson as Mark entered the situation. Bambam spared a glance back at me as if he wanted to stay. Yugyeom just tugged him along by his shoulder. 

Jackson turned back to face me, his face still set in that scowl and it was strange to see Jackson frowning at me like that, like I’d broke something special to him. 

Then again, I guess I had. 

Mark squeezed into the kitchen, standing off to the side, I guess trying not to pick a side. 

Smart of him.

“Why don’t you want them to know? Are you ashamed?” Jackson began. 

“Jackson, don’t-” Mark tried to cut in.  

“Why Jackson? Am I ashamed of what? Of being a slut?” 

“If the shoe fits, jinyoung-ah.” He teased and I could feel tears filling my eyes. 

“I know…”

“No, no you don’t know! You don’t know anything! You don’t understand what your actions have done, it’s not just about me and Mark! It’s about everyone, and you think you can just get away with it, do whatever you want! You think you can just whore around and it’s okay? It’s not okay Jinyoung!” 

I could feel myself shrinking and I wiped at my eyes. 

“And here come the waterworks, very convincing Actor Park Jinyoung,” Jackson bit out.

“Gaga, stop it!” 

“No! No! I'm mad and I have every reason to be mad! I'm mad because Jinyoung couldn’t keep it in his pants, because he had to spread it for whoever looks his way, whoever asks, and that’s- I worked so hard for this, for us, and he’s going to ruin it, he’s going to ruin it all for what? Because he’s a slut!” 

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm doing it for you guys-” I babbled, I just wanted him to stop yelling at me. I wanted to go back into my room and slide into my bed and wake up seven years ago and not go to that audition.

“Jinyoung,” Mark warned.

“For us? You’re spreading your legs for us? Don’t do me any fucking favors!” 

“Enough Jackson! What the fuck did you think you were going to accomplish by coming in here and yelling at JInyoung? Did you think it was going to make me happy? Did you think it was going to make you feel better?” He yelled and I hugged myself tight. 

“No, I don’t know! I'm so fucking angry,” He sounded so broken. 

“Then be mad at me, because I was the one who said it Jackson, I did this so be mad at me, but not Jinyoung and honestly, I don’t like this side I'm seeing Ga yi.” 

“Well, what am I supposed to do? Be happy and smile while you fuck my bandmate?” He asked and I felt arms wrap around my shoulder. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say Jackson,” Mark whispered in English and I watched as his face crumbled. 

He whimpered something in Mandarin and I broke away from Mark, heading to my room to avoid being in the middle of it all.

 

There was a knock on my door and I turned towards it as it crept open. 

“Jaebum?” I whispered, my voice hoarse. I'd hoped beyond hope he would come in and tell me that everything was okay, even if it were just my overimaginative dreams.

“No, it’s me, Mark,” Mark whispered, his voice equally hoarse, like he’d been crying. 

“Why aren’t you in your room?” I asked him as he squeezed into the bed next to me. 

“I was staying with Bam and Yugyeom, I couldn’t be back there with Jackson, not while he’s still pissed at me,” Mark whispered, his voice breaking and I ran my hand over his hair. 

“You know what they’re going to think when they see us in the morning right?” I whispered and he just buried his head in my shoulder. 

“Why did you do that? Why did you lie?” I asked. 

“What was I supposed to say? Jinyoung is being raped by PD-nim?” 

“Not raped, sleeping with,” I hissed. 

“Not sleeping with, raped! Don’t try to sell it for anything else. I didn’t jeopardize my relationship with Jackson for you to say that shit,” He whispered back, his voice boiling with anger.    
“How do you know? Maybe Jackson’s right, maybe I am a whore. I’ve been getting on my knees for that man since he announced JJ project was done. I sucked his dick to get us back in the company, and to get us in Got7, He didn’t hold me down. I got on my knees, I bent over that desk.” 

“No, you were a child and he coerced you into sucking his dick, he made you do that, sex isn’t ultimatums, it isn’t an either or situation, so stop Jinyoung.” 

“We’ll just have to disagree.” 

It got quiet in the room before he started crying again.

It wasn’t quiet crying but body wracking sobs and I pet his hair again. 

“Let me tell him, please Jinyoung, please.” He whimpered into the cloth of my shirt, his face buried in my pec as he cried. 

I wanted to open my mouth and tell him to go ahead, to end his suffering, but I knew that the only person that it would be worse to tell than Jaebum would be Jackson. 

He was too sweet for his own good, and while Jaebum would be angry, Jackson would be outraged and he had so many connections in the business, he’d tell everyone he knew until he could bring JYP down. 

I couldn’t risk it, so I laid there quietly, hoping Mark’s tears would subside soon enough.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinoung apologizes for his behavior and the Hyung line try to reconcile their differences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is again non-con, but it is not described.

 

JYP stopped by our dance practice unannounced and he could definitely tell that there was something going wrong. 

“I'm sensing some tension,” He said, leaning against the door of the practice room and Jaebum looked up at the man, his face red. 

“No Producer-nim, we’re fine.” Jaebum bowed, in full JB leader mode. 

“Really, now look at Bam-ah’s face, he doesn’t look happy, what’s wrong Bam-ah?” He asked the boy and Bambam looked over at me, his face all deer in headlights. 

“It’s the hyung-line Producer-nim, or rather, me and Mark really.” I answered, turning his attention to me, because that’s what I was supposed to do. 

“Oh, really Junior- forgive me, Jinyoung-ah, I’ll have to remember to call you that now, you and Mark?” He asked and i nodded. 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

“JB, why didn’t you tell me someone was causing problems?” He asked and JB’s face was red. 

“I didn’t want to waste your time, it’s not really a problem that can be fixed by you,” JB answered and JYP looked over at me with intrigue. 

“Oh, it’s  _ that _ problem again? Huh Jinyoung?” JYP asked, crossing his arms smugly. 

Jackson looked at us, confused and JB looked like he knew what he was talking about. 

“Uh, kind of,” JB whispered and I let my eyes drop to the floor. 

“Let me talk to you out in my office Jinyoung,” He called and I bit my lip, my head down. 

“I should come too-” Mark offered and Jackson scoffed. 

“No, you stay here, come on Jinyoung,” 

I shuffled out of the room, not sparing a glance back.

 

“Who knows?” He asked as I closed the door. 

“I don’t- no one knows,” 

“Don’t fucking lie to me, who fucking knows,” He swore at me and I flinched back. 

“Mark hyung, he guessed it and took credit for the marks on my back,” I stuttered out and he laughed. 

“And he hasn’t said anything, what did you have to do to make him keep that secret?” He asked and I frowned. 

“Nothing- besides, mark’s not even-”   
“Don’t start that, I know all about my bands, and I know what those two, Jackson and Mark were getting up to,” he interrupted me.

“Why didn’t you put an end to Got7 then, since it was enough for me to even look at Jaebum once for JJ project to end?” 

“Because, they’re foreigners, I don’t care what they do as long as they do it discreetly. But you don’t know the meaning of discreet, Junior, and I won’t have that happen to a nice Korean boy,” 

“Oh, you mean Jaebum? What about me, am I not a nice Korean boy?” I spat out and he laughed. “No, you’re not, you’ve never been. You’ve always been like this, you’ve always been begging for it, it’s what people like you deserve, now, you’re going to straighten all of this out, I don’t care about their drama, but I won’t have them dancing like that on stage, we’ve got a comeback and you can’t be on that stage like that, someone is going to get hurt,” He hissed and I lowered my eyes again. 

“Yes Park PD-Nim,” I whispered, resigned. 

“Now, give me something to make me forgive you for all the trouble you’ve been causing, make me want to keep you,” He commanded and I sunk down onto my knees, humiliation filling my bones.

  
  


I returned to the dance practice, my head bowed and my eyes and nose red. 

It looked like I’d been crying. 

Of course, having a dick shoved down your throat will make you look the same, but they probably wouldn’t know the difference.

“Hyung, what did he say?” Bambam asked and I shook my head. 

“We should just focus on dancing you guys,” Jaebum announced and everyone returned to their starting positions. 

Mark reached out to me, tapping my fist and I looked up at him, shaking my head before looking back down at the ground as the track started playing. 

 

I bit my lip as I stood outside of the living room. All of the boys were in the living room, and I could hear that they seemed to be civil, although I'm sure Mark and Jackson were on separate halves of the room, which must have been hard for Jackson, but even more so for Mark, because both boys were clingy, especially after dance practice, they’d just drop down beside each other and wouldn’t leave each other’s side, wouldn’t stop touching until they had to be pushed to go to bed. 

I knocked on the the wall as I walked in, alerting others to my presence. 

Youngjae and Jaebum were sitting on the couch, watching Bambam and Yugyeom play a video game. Jackson was sitting beside of Bambam, peering over his shoulder and Mark was sitting on the floor beside the couch, tucked into the corner as he scrolled through his phone. 

“Hey, everyone,” I spoke and they finally all looked up at me, Bambam pausing the game. 

“I just- I wanted to apologize to all of you, for the trouble I caused,” I whispered, my voice soft. 

“You don’t have to apologize Jinyoung,” Mark defended and I shook my head. 

“No, I do, I put all of us in jeopardy, I should have been smarter, I shouldn’t have-” I felt like i was going to cry and I ran my hands through the back of my hair. 

“I'm sorry I'm such a slut,” I whispered and Bambam made a noise in the back of his throat. 

“Hyung, you’re not a slut, who said you’re a slut?” He asked. 

“Yeah, what’s going on? Why are you all fighting?” Youngjae tacked on. 

“We should take this in Jinyoung’s room,” Jaebum began. 

“No, we’re not kids, whatever happened is affecting all of us, so we deserve to know,” Yugyeom pouted and Jaebum shook his head. 

“No, it doesn’t concern you,” 

“Yes it does, Jinyoung had to go to JYP’s office and he came back crying, whatever happened is big enough to get him involved, so it’s big enough for us to know. What happened?” Yugyeom demanded. 

“Yugyeom-” Mark began.

“Mark and Jinyoung slept together,” Jaebum pushed out tiredly. 

“Wait, I thought Mark and Jackson were-” Bambam began.

“Wait, You’re gay hyung?” Youngjae asked and I felt like laughing but there was nothing funny.

“Me or Mark?” I asked. 

“Both?” His face was perplexed and I bit my lip.

“I'm gay,” I whispered. 

“And I'm pan,” Mark added. 

“What is pan? I'm confused.” 

“We’ll talk about this later, Jae, 94 line, Jinyoung’s room now,” Jaebum called and I followed them to my room. 

“This has to stop, all of it, do you understand?” Jaebum hissed and I wrapped my hands around my arms. 

“What are you talking about?” Mark asked and he sighed.   
“You and Jinyoung have to stop,” He explained. 

“No,” Mark said and Jackson’s eyes widened. 

“Really Yien? You want to still-” 

“No, no, I'm not saying that I want to, it’s just, he can’t tell us what to do, if he tells me and Jinyoung we can’t, what stops him from saying me and you can’t.” 

“Don’t worry Mark, the way you’re going, me and you will never again,” Jackson bit out and I shook my head. 

“No, I don’t- I don’t want you two to- God it’s all my fault, I just-” I felt like crying again and then I felt silly for wanting to cry. 

“Jinyoung, you understand why I'm saying this, right? We always knew that this would happen,” Jaebum began and Jackson butt in. 

“What are you talking about? What was Jycreep talking about when he said  _ that problem _ .” 

“Don’t worry about it,” I whispered. 

“No, I mean if Jinyoung has a history of whoring around, we should know, we should have known of this problem,” 

“Gaga, that’s not any of your business, and that’s a stupid thing to ask, whoever sleeps with Jinyoung it’s his business.” 

“Well, then what is the problem that he was  talking about?” He asked.

“Jinyoung being gay,” Jaebum whispered and I looked over at him. 

“Wait, he knows about Jinyoung, who else does he know about? What happened?”   
“That’s why JJ project ended, because I was gay,” I whispered. 

“That is not the reason, we just debuted at the wrong time,” Jaebum cut in.

“No, it’s not, it was because I was gay, that’s what he told me, that my little problem was going to ruin everything that you had going for you,” 

“Then why did he let you in Got7, that doesn’t make any sense,” Jaebum asked. 

“Who’s dick did you have to suck-”

“Jackson!” 

My eyes widened when I realized that it was Jaebum who cut him off, not Mark this time. 

“I get that you’re angry, we’re all angry, but I'm not going to let you talk about Jinyoung like that, we make mistakes, they made a huge fucking one, but that was what it was, now you can forgive Mark and Jinyoung and move on, or you can break it off, but we will always be family no matter what hurt feelings there are between us. This conversation has derailed too much and this has gone on for too long. It’s over, alright, next time you say anything like that to either one of them, you’re going to deal with me, got it?” He threatened and Jackson bit his lip but nodded. 

“Fine, fine, you’re right hyung. I'm sorry Nyoung-ah.” He whispered and I nodded. 

“Now, you two get out, I’ve got to talk to Jinyoung myself,” Jaebum commanded and the two men left the room.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered before he had a chance to speak.

“I'm- how did this all happen? I mean we-” he cut himself off, rubbing his chin before sighing.

“If you and Mark insist on continuing whatever you're doing, please tell him to show some restraint, imagine if we'd been touring and someone would have seen that. It'd be all over the web.” He admonished and I bowed my head at the man.

“I'm sorry, I will be more careful next time,” I whispered and he nodded looking me up and down. 

“Jinyoung, you- you’re still a virgin, right?” He asked and I could feel my cheeks burn. 

“Does it even matter hyung?” I whispered and his face dropped. 

“I thought you were saving- so he’s special huh?” He asked and I frowned. 

“What do you mean?” 

“He must have been special for you to give him that part of you,” he spoke and I shook my head. 

“No! it’s-”

“You don’t have to explain to me Jinyoung-ah, we know what the other is thinking without saying, remember?” He plastered a fake smile on his face before leaving the room.

We didn’t know each other at all anymore.

 

  
  
  
  


Bam knocked on my door and I opened it with a sigh. 

Mark was still sleeping on the boys’ floor, and that wasn’t good for his back, but Yugyeom insisted at the behest of Jaebum.

I held open my blanket and Bambam crawled in dutifully. 

“Why’d you lie?” Bambam asked and i looked down at the boy. 

“Lie about what?” I asked and he glared at me. 

“About sleeping with Mark hyung,” Bam asked and i sighed. 

“How can you be so sure I lied?”

He was quiet for a second before clearing his throat. 

“You’re too in love with Jaebum hyung to have slept with Mark, and Mark wouldn’t do that to Jackson, besides if anyone would sleep with you, it would be Jackson not Mark.” 

“Don’t be so sure about that, Jackson thinks I'm a whore, he wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole,” I hissed, rolling over on my back even though it was still sore. 

“Jackson’s an idiot, and you’re not a slut Jinyoung hyung, I know… I know you, I know you wouldn’t do something like that to the band, so why would you lie?”

“Sometimes people get lonely and they go for what they think is the best option, there are only so many gay kids in Korea,” I whispered and Bambam made a noise in the back of his throat. 

“That doesn’t make any sense, why not me then?” I heard and I looked over at him. 

“Because, I wanted to protect you,” I whispered honestly and he shook his head. 

“Protect me? I'm not underage anymore hyung.” 

“Yeah, but you’re still just a kid.” 

It always seemed to shock me to think that even though the boys were adults, they were legally of age, they were still kids, still naive in a lot of ways, but then again, I guess not so naive if Bambam caught on to the fact that me and Mark sleeping together was a complete lie. But they hadn’t experienced a lot of things, or well, they weren’t supposed to have experienced a lot of things, they weren’t supposed to be involved in things like this, weren’t supposed to be dealing with heartache and sexual attractions and infidelity. 

“Well, if you got lonely, you should have used me, not Mark, it was stupid to use Mark.” 

I felt myself frowning at the sentiment, how could he so easily offer himself up for something like that, especially something with no feelings, nothing meaningful, how could he give his first time up for something as trivial as a hookup between friends. 

Then again, that’s what I was purported to do, that’s what Jaebum hyung thought of me. 

“Are you saying you want to sleep with me Bam-ah? Does my little Bambam have a crush?” I teased, pinching his cheeks, trying to stray from the conversation and he swatted at my hands. 

“Ew, no, I'm just saying, it was stupid to go after a practically married man.”   
“Not so practically,” I hissed before remembering myself.

We’re talking about Mark hyung, not JYP.

“Why wouldn’t you sleep with me, I'm hurt Bammie…” I whined and he pushed me away softly. 

“I'm not about messing with taken men, Jaebum hyung would kill me,” He joked. 

“And you’re still holding out for Gweomy?” I teased and he got serious. 

“He… we’re just good friends, besides, he won’t want me,” He stopped talking before putting his head on my shoulder. 

“Jinyoungie hyung,” He whispered after several moments of silence. 

I moved my head, acknowledging that I was paying attention to him. 

“If it was JYP that said you were a slut, ignore him. He… he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He called me one too, but I’ve never even done anything, so he’s obviously wrong, so just… don’t let it get to you,” He announced as if he were trying to convince himself of it too. 

“I won’t, thank you Bam-ah,” I whispered before closing my eyes and letting myself fall into sleep. 

  
  


I knocked on JYP’s door, being beckoned inside.

I closed the door behind me, shutting the blinds automatically before going to stand in front of his desk, my arms pulled tight to my chest. 

I knew why I was here, or at least, I knew what was going to happen while I was here, but I had no idea why I was summoned this particular time. 

It was so close to our comeback, and we’d be starting to make the regular variety show circuit tour as we went from music show to music show, showing our charms and hopefully garnering more album sales for when the album dropped. 

“Did you apologize to your group?” He asked as he finished up a file and I sat on the arm of a chair, physically worn out. 

“Yes, I did.” I stated coldly. 

He didn’t deserve my honorifics, and frankly, we were passed that at this moment. 

What did you call someone who makes you take a dick up your ass?

“Oh really, what did you apologize for?” He asked, a mocking smile on his face as if he gained some kind of entertainment out of my humiliation. 

Then again, of course he did. 

Look at all the shit our band was put through for the sake of entertainment. 

“I apologized for being a slut, and now they all know,” I hissed. 

“They all know what?” 

“Not about what we’re doing, only Mark Hyung knows,”

“And he’s kept the secret so well, I should invite him up to talk sometime,” 

“He’d never go for it, he’d tell everyone so fast it would make your head spin, he’s better than that,” I spat and he laughed. 

“Oh, but you’re not, obviously not if your own hyung would ‘let you do this’ doesn’t it really say what they think about you?” He asked and I frowned. 

“No, they care about me, it’s my choice not his. They all know I'm gay now, that that was the reason JJ project ended.”

“Oh, it’s too bad they don’t know what you did to get into GOT7, you were so eager, that mouth was so great, i hadn’t seen someone so ready, mouth open and willing in so long, I bet Bambam would have looked so pretty like that, he always opens up so pretty for the camera, imagine what he’d look like, on his knees for me,” He fantasized and I sneered. 

“Don’t talk about him like that!”

“Oh, I forgot, you get so jealous when I'm not focusing on you,” He teased and I rolled my eyes. 

“You know, for a married man, you do like to fuck boys, something you want to admit to, JYP?” I shot back, anger coursing through my veins and he gripped my arms tight.

“Don’t think just because I'm doing this with you Junior that you can talk to me any kind of way, I'm still in charge here, and I’ll have you out on your ass in a minute. You don’t get to question me or my life, all you get to do is bend over the desk and thank me for treating you so well, got it?” He pushed me roughly over the desk, his hand coming down on the back of my thighs hard and I grimaced into the wood, my anger was dissipating and the only thing left was a cloudy feeling.

“Do you understand?” He asked angrily and I nodded. 

“Yes Park Producer-nim,” I whimpered weakly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark sees the bruises and Jinyoung loses time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung dissociates in this one, and mentions of rough sex.

“Oh come on Jinyoung-ah, really?” Mark asked as I limped out of the shower, my pajama pants barely tugged up on my hips. 

I had bruises on my hips and all down my backside to my thighs where welts were beginning to raise. 

Pushing past him, I made my way into my room, wincing with every step.

I laid down, face down on the bed, my tears muffled by the down of my pillow. 

I was so sore and we had a dance practice and some individual as well as partner shots for our various web content shows the next morning.

I just wanted to sleep. 

“I just want Jaebum,” I whimpered, turning my head to look at Mark and he ran his hands through my hair. 

He sat down on the edge of my bed gently, his torso bent towards me.

“What happened?” Mark asked and I shook my head. 

“I got too sassy,” I whimpered, pulling up my sleeves to reveal the bruises that discolored my skin. 

It was high enough that it would be covered by a short sleeved shirt, but it would still be painful. 

“We should tell someone about this, it’s only going to get worse Jinyoung,” Mark whispered and I shook my head. 

“No, we can’t.”

“Jinyoung, he spanked you, that’s-”

“The least of my problems, please Mark,” I whispered and he sighed but ran his hands up and down my back. 

I cleared my throat.

“He made me thank him for it,” I explained and Mark blew an angry breath out of his nose.

His body tensed up, and I could hear the little breaths pushing through his chest as he tried to calm himself back down.

The room got quiet and I resituated a little. 

“Mark, is it easy in America?” I whispered and he frowned, pulling his legs up on the bed so that he was propped up against my headboard.

“Sexual assault? I mean, I think in America there is still problems when it comes to celebrities being taken advantage of, but they sometimes get it right, and they get in a lot more trouble than Open World,” He explained and I shook my head, turning on my side even though it hurt to do so. 

“I meant, being gay, is it easier to be gay in America?” I asked, readjusting until my head was propped on his thigh. 

“Yeah, it is, I mean, it’s not good all over, but anything is better than here. At least at home I could take Jackson on a date, that’s what he really wants to do, a real date that he can enjoy without hiding and pretending it’s a joke.” 

“Oh yeah, that’d be nice, or going to a university, we’d all be in university, it’d be nice. We could go out at be reckless american teens. We wouldn’t have to worry about who’s watching, or anything, if Bambam wanted to do girl group dances he could,” I whispered.

“And you would ask Jaebum out on a library date, and you’d stay for hours until I had to drag you back to your room. He’d hold your hand all the time around the quad. He wouldn’t be so afraid to show how he feels, wouldn’t put on that mask of masculinity all the time, he’d just be with you,” Mark added. 

“And Jackson would take you out to one of those clubs you talk about, the ones that you say he’d like, and he would make you dance to at least one lady gaga song.” 

“He’d be wearing a pink wig the entire time, gyrating all over the place with bambam and yugyeom. He’d probably sneak the boys a bunch of alcohol and get us kicked out for climbing on top of the bar,” Mark complained with a sigh.

‘In America, I wouldn’t have to do all this stuff, I’d just be myself and it’d be enough, we would never get into this predicament.” 

He made an affirmative noise, his hands petting my hair as he thought about what he’d be doing in america now, and I sighed.

I would do anything to live the life of that Jinyoung.

 

I was pulled aside by Jaebum during our first break of the day.

I'd refused to sit down, which I knew was going to kill me by the end of the day, but I couldn't help it. My thighs were too sore to sit on.

“Hey, what’s going on, you’re not dancing well today,” He began and I bowed my head. 

“I'm sorry hyung, I will try harder,” I whispered and he slapped my arm, his hand landing on the bruise that JYP left. 

“I don’t want to hear that Jinyoung-ah, what’s wrong?” He asked and I shook my head. 

“I'm just a little sore and tired,” I answered and he sneered. 

“Yeah, I heard Mark was in your room last night, maybe you should tell him not to fuck you on nights before schedules,” He tried to say nonchalantly but I could hear the anger in his voice and it was making me angry because Jaebum wasn’t being the jaebum I knew, he was being Leader Lim and I didn’t need Leader Lim right now, I needed Jaebummie, I needed him to make it all better. 

“Mark and I didn’t- who told you that Mark and I did anything last night?” I hissed and he crossed his arms.

I could guess who it was, and it definitely wasn’t Bambam. 

“Yugyeom!” I yelled and Jaebum grabbed my arm. 

I shook out of Jaebum’s grip.

“What are you doing?” Jaebum hissed at me.

Yugyeom looked so confused and looked like he was contemplating bolting from the room. 

“Come here,” I ordered. 

Yugyeom walked towards me timidly.

“Don’t order the boys around,” Jaebum admonished and I grabbed the boy’s ear as he came close enough for me to reach. He screeched, bending over to try and get out of my grip. Jaebum tried to pull me of of the boy, but I dodged his hands.

“What did you tell Jaebum hyung?” I asked.

“What are you talking about? Let me go!” He squirmed and I pinched harder. 

“Jinyoung, enough,” Jaebum scolded.

I ignored him, turning to get away from Jaebum’s grip yet again.

“Did you tell him that Mark and I did stuff last night?” 

“No! I just told him that Mark was in your room,” He whined and I pinched his ear even harder. 

“You mind your business about who is in my room or when before you cause more trouble than it’s worth, got it?” I growled out and he nodded. 

“Okay okay, let me go!” 

I let him go and he frowned, holding his ear before stomping out of the rehearsal space.

Bambam looked over at the door before following him.

Jaebum grabbed my arm and dragged me out, taking me to a secluded area. 

“That was uncalled for, you made him cry!” Jaebum started in and I pushed the man away from my bruise for what felt like the fifth time. 

“No! He shouldn’t have told you!”

“Well someone had to, you’re the one not being honest with me, what am I supposed to do JInyoung?”

“You’re supposed to trust me!” I yelled. 

“How can I trust you when you’re sleeping around behind my back?”

“Behind your back? Behind your back? What is that supposed to mean?” I asked and he pushed his hands through his hair violently. 

“You know what that means, just, you know what kind of bad idea this is, don’t you? Don’t you understand why you can’t keep-”

“Whoring myself out for whoever looks my way, that’s what Jackson said right? Is that what you really think of me?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, I just, what am I supposed to believe?”

“You’re supposed to believe me. I was upset and Mark came in to talk to me, that’s it. I did not sleep with Mark!” I yelled.

“Last night,” Jaebum added bitterly.

‘What?” I asked and he furrowed his eyebrows. 

“You didn’t sleep with Mark, last night, but you have before,” He said and I paused. 

“Right Jinyoung,” He said again when I didn’t answer and I looked away from him. 

“Don’t ask me that, you already know the answer,” I spat and he leaned against the wall, running his hands through his hair.

“Go home Jinyoung,” He ordered and I looked up at him. 

“What?” 

“Go home, you can’t be here with that attitude and you definitely can’t dance the way you’ve been dancing, so go home, you’ll just come in later on for more rehearsal when you’re feeling better.”

“But-”

“Go home!” He yelled and I pushed past him, going into the room and grabbing my duffel bag and phone. 

“Where are you going?” Youngjae asked and I frowned. 

“Our leader thinks it’s best if I don’t participate today,” I bit out before shouldering the bag and slamming back out of the room.

 

I turned on the shower, stepping under the spray.

It was warm, enveloping me in a wall of heat. 

The water ran over my ears and through my hair. My hair ran into my face and I leaned my head against the wall in front of me, my ears being blocked by the rushing of the water. 

 

“Jinyoung hyung- Jinyoung?” I heard yugyeom absently call and I tried to move my head to look in his direction but it wasn’t happening. 

“Jaebum Hyung!” I heard and there was running before a hand turned off the water. 

I felt a robe being pushed onto my shoulders before I was lifted out of the tub and placed onto my bed. 

“What are you doing? Have you been in there since you got back?” He asked and I blinked my eyes slowly. 

I had just gotten in the shower.

“Jesus, you’re fucking freezing, you’re going to catch a cold, get me that blanket,” He called and Yugyeom did as he was told. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Yugyeom asked and Jaebum sighed. 

“He, he needs someone to take care of him,” he explained and I realized with horror that he saw the bruises on my thighs. 

“Who did that to you?” He asked softly and I swallowed hard. 

My throat was tight. 

“Did Mark do it? Was it consensual? Did you ask for that?” He asked and I didn’t know the answer to the questions so I just closed my eyes. 

“JInyoung-ah, please,” He ran a towel through my hair and I rolled so that I was buried in Jaebum’s side. 

“I just got in the shower,” I whispered, my voice raspy. 

“No, you’ve been in there for three hours, Jinyoung, who did this to you?” He asked and I shook my head.

“No, you just sent me home, I just wanted jaebummie, but you sent me home-” I babbled and he sighed, getting under the blanket with me. 

“It’s okay Jinyoungie, I’ve got you, Jaebummie’s here now,” He cooed and I held on tight. 

“Please don’t send me away again, please, I'm sorry, just please don’t make me leave,” I whimpered and he kissed my forehead. 

“You’re not going anywhere Jinyoung, it’s you and me forever, I promise.”

 

I opened my eyes to see Jaebum was still in bed with me, one of my books balanced on his knee as if he were contemplating reading it. 

“Hey, you awake this time?” He asked and I frowned, moving my neck, which seemed to be stiff. My throat was sore. My nose was stuffy, and my eyes still heavy from sleep.

“What do you mean?” I asked before turning on my back and realizing my mistake as pain radiated through the bruised skin. 

“You were spaced out for a while there. Yugyeom found you in the shower, you’d been there for three hours,” He explained softly and I buried my head in his side. 

“Oh god, that’s so embarrassing,” I groaned and he ran his hands through my hair. 

“Jinyoung, listen to me, if anyone hurt you, you better tell me,” He commanded and I groaned. 

“Can’t we just pretend this didn’t happen, please,” I begged and he rolled me over so that I was looking at him.

“No Jinyoung, We can’t, you were in the shower for three hours, that’s not safe, and it sure as hell isn’t practically, do you understand how much money that is? How much hot water was wasted?” He scolded and I buried my head back into his thigh. 

“Maybe yelling isn’t the best thing to do right now,” Jackson whispered and I looked up to see Jackson and Mark were sitting at the bottom of my bed. 

Jackson was wearing his glasses, and Mark was sitting next to him, even though they weren’t touching, they weren’t sitting a mile apart.

When had they gotten there?

“If your boyfriend didn’t beat him up like this, he wouldn’t be in this condition,” Jaebum hissed. 

“I didn’t do this to Jinyoung for the last time!” Mark yelled and I flinched at the loud noise, still feeling like my skin was going to turn itself inside out. 

“Hey, enough of that, both of you, Jinyoungie, do you want some chocolate?” Jackson asked softly and I eyed him wearily. 

“It’ll help, I promise,” He whispered and I sighed but nodded, grabbing the chocolate bar from his hands. I peeled the wrapper back before taking a bite. 

“Now, let’s talk about how you’re feeling Jinyoungie, are you still feeling down?” He asked and I shrugged, taking another bite. 

“That’s okay that you don’t know,” Jackson spoke softly and Jaebum’s arms wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me up until I was sitting gingerly next to him. 

“Are we still fighting? Do you hate me now?” I asked quietly and Jackson shook his head.

“No, I was mad Jinyoung, but I’d never hate you, we’re family, all of us,” He soothed. 

“Do you hate me, hyung?” I asked Jaebum and he shook his head, holding me tighter. 

“No, never, Jinyoungie,” He whispered. 

“That’s good,” I took another bite. 

“Do you want to tell them how you got the bruises Jinyoung?” Mark asked and I frowned, shaking my head. 

“I don’t want to,” I whispered and Mark gave me a look. 

“Fine, fine, I-I did it to myself.” I explained and I could feel the tension in Jaebum’s arms.

“How could- why would you do that, it looked like you were spanked, how could you do that yourself?” Jaebum questioned and I shook my head.

No matter what came out of my mouth next, I’d sound like some pervert, spanking himself.

Jaebum already thought I was a homewrecking whore who slept with my members, adding spanking to the list would be icing on the fucked up cake.

He’d never want me.

“I needed to be punished, so spanking was the next logical step,” I phrased, trying to find a way to explain it. 

It was hard, because I could feel Jaebum behind me and my body wanted to spill it all, to tell the truth because I didn’t lie to Jaebum, I just couldn’t. 

I could rephrase things, tell half truths, but I’d never be able to flat out lie to him. 

“You did this because of me?” He asked and I took a deep breath.

There was no easy way to answer that question.

“No, it was before that, I just haven’t been taking care of myself lately, I'm sorry, I’ll be more careful in the future, I’ll do better,” I whispered and he just held me tight. 

 

“It’s getting dangerous Jinyoung. We can’t keep this charade up, I’ll take responsibility for the hickeys, but I'm not going to take responsibility for beating you,” Mark hissed and I rolled my eyes, grabbing a tin of snacks off the top shelf. Everyone had gone to bed, barring me and Mark who decided to stay up and get something to eat.

Once upon a time, it would be me and Jaebum taking late night trips to the convenience store when people weren’t awake to bother us, but not now. 

“You’re being dramatic, besides, they all think I did it, so it’s not a big deal,” I picked up a box and read the ingredients lacklusterly before putting it back.

“You don’t understand Jinyoung, it is a big deal, no matter what they think.” Mark threw a box of macaroni and cheese in the basket and I crossed my arms, letting it dangle from my wrist. 

“Oh really?”

“Yes really, Jaebum tried to kick my ass when he thought I did that to you, he thought we did some rough sex scene or something and I didn’t give you aftercare, he thought I’d been forcing myself on you the whole time, if it weren’t for Jackson, he would have really hit me,” Mark huffed and I bit my lip. 

“I told them that I didn’t touch you like that, and the only person he should ask about it was you, but I'm tired Jinyoung, I'm tired of lying, I'm tired of Jackson looking like he’s going to cry every time he looks at me, every time I leave a room with you,” Mark cleared his throat, and he really did sound tired.

“Then tell them the truth, tell them that you never slept with me,” I proposed bitterly. 

“And what, tell them that JYP is raping you? If I say I never slept with you and don’t offer up who did, they’ll think I'm either lying again, or that I know who did, and they’ll think that I'm helping you hide a secret boyfriend, either way, it’s going to be a huge thing Jinyoung, no matter what, it’s a huge thing.” He sighed, tucking his hands into his hoodie pocket. 

“I'm doing what I have to Mark, I thought you understood that.” I marched ahead of him, emptying the basket on the counter, effectively ending the conversation.

 

I dropped down next to Bambam, my chest heaving as I tried to inhale half of my water bottle while simultaneously trying to catch my breath.  

Bambam was the only person that would come to the studio with me. Yugyeom was still a little mad at me, and Mark was avoiding hanging out with me solo because he was afraid of what the others would think.

“Thanks for coming to practice with me,” I said, turning my head and looking over at the boy. His hair was falling in his face and he pushed it back, giving me a soft smile. 

“It’s fine, I had to practice anyway, you know that it’s going to be time to go on variety shows and they always want to see me do girl group dances,” he got up on his knees, wriggling his butt for emphasis, before laying flat on the floor. 

“It’s because you do it so well,” I reached out weakly and slapped his butt. 

He made an exaggerated moan and I rolled my eyes. 

“You’re disgusting.” 

“You love me!” He teased, doing aegyo before propping up on his elbows. 

“Besides, it’s better than having to come by myself,” He complained and I frowned. 

“Why do you say that?”

“It’s just better to have someone here with me,” He mumbled and I reached out, grabbing his hand.

“What happened?” I asked and he shook me off. 

“Nothing, it’s just- you know how the company is, and JYP sometimes comes and watches me practice and I just- it’s better to have someone with me, you know?” He asked and I nodded, squeezing his hand tight.

‘Now come on Jinyoung hyung, this choreography isn’t going to polish itself and you’ve had enough breaks.” He encouraged and I groaned but got off of the floor. 

This choreography wasn’t going to clean itself, and it’d be a welcomed distraction from any and everything JYP related.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung miss an appointment, and JJP happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The non-con gets a little iffy here, it's not too graphic, but it might make you uncomfortable.

I found myself on the couch, Jaebum’s thigh under my head as I stretched out. It’d been a week since my freak out, and everyone was still tiptoeing around me, Yugyeom especially. 

There was no doubt in my mind that Yugyeom went and told Bambam about what he saw when he found me. Bambam hadn’t asked me about it yet, instead ignoring any mention of it at all. I was glad for it, because he was one of the only people not treating me like a complete case. I wasn’t sure if Youngjae knew or not because things have been a little different with him when he found out that at least 3/7 of his members were not straight. I didn’t think he had a problem with it, he just didn’t know how to show that he didn’t have a problem with it, which just caused a lot of awkward fumbling. He was constantly trying not to offend us.

It would probably be a good thing if no one told Youngjae about the whole ordeal in the first place. 

He didn’t need to know about it anyway.

Mark and Jackson weren’t as icy as before, but it was still strained at best. 

I could see the way they looked lost without each other and I wanted to fix it, I really did, I wanted them to be better, but I knew it wouldn’t happen without the truth being told, and I wasn’t ready for the truth to be told, so it was up to me to keep my mouth shut. 

But I couldn’t deny it hurt to see the way they looked at each other. 

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and I lifted my head as I fished for it, unlocking the screen before opening the notification. 

 

_ I’ll be in the studio late tonight, I want some company _

 

I read the message over again, JYP’s words heating up my skin.

“Who’s that?” Jaebum asked and I looked up at his face as he tried to squint to read the small print of my phone 

“No one, just a stupid spam email,” I whispered before putting my phone back in my pocket. 

I should get up, should get off of the couch with the boys, should go get showered and dressed to meet JYP in the studio. 

But I didn’t feel like it. 

I wanted to stay in the haze that was Jaebum’s heat, I wanted to stay on this couch with the boys and pretend like everything was normal even though there were cracks in the picture. 

I wanted for one night to pretend that JYP was a dream, all of the things with him being a nightmare, and the boys being my reality instead of the other way around. 

I would get up eventually, I would get up and face what I had to do, but for a little while he could wait. 

 

_ I knocked on the door to the studio, my hands bundled up by my sweater and it opened.  _

_ JYP was sitting at the mixer, a notebook in his hands as he wrote what I assumed were lyrics for one of the other band’s comebacks.  _

_ Probably music for Twice.  _

_ “Took you long enough,” He hissed, pushing his seat back and I could see that his pants were already gone. _

_ “I was with the boys, I couldn’t sneak out,” I explained, coughing into my hand and he sighed.  _

_ “It didn’t stop him,” he laughed and I looked under the desk to see Bambam crouched on his knees, his lipstick messy and his eyes red and bleary.  _

_ “It’s okay,” Bambam spoke, his voice breaking and I frowned.  _

_ “It’s not okay, it’s not okay, get up from there! Don’t you know I'm doing this for you!” I yelled and the boy just stared at me blankly.  _

_ JYP pushed me in the recording booth and made me hold onto the microphone.  _

_ He was in me now, and I bit my lip refusing to make any noise, but knowing that I was still making noises.  _

_ “You sound so pretty, let everyone know how pretty you sound junior, let ahgase know how you sound, what kind of whore you are, let them all know what kind of whore you are,” He commanded and I shook my head. _

_ “Come on Junior, put on a show, don’t disappoint,” He slammed into me particularly hard and I looked up through the mirror to see that Jaebum was standing there. All of the boys were and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling down my face as all of the boys looked at me, their faces judging me. _

_ “Such a pretty slut Jinyoung-ah,” Jackson called over the mic and I shook my head.  _

_ “I”m not a slut,” I whimpered,  _

_ “Yes you are Jinyoung. There’s no need to hide it, we all see what you are,” Jaebum spat cruelly and I let my head drop. _

 

I opened my eyes to see Jaebum standing above me, his hands on my shoulders and I pushed him away. 

“I'm not a slut,” I whimpered and he ran his hands through my hair. 

“Of course you aren’t, did Jackson call you that again?” He asked and I shook my head, sitting up and realizing where I was. 

I was sitting on the couch still, the living room dark and a blanket tangled around my feet.

“What- what’s going on?” I asked, rubbing at my eyes.

I’d gone to the studio, why was I on the couch. 

“You had a nightmare,” He offered and I frowned. 

“What time is it?” I asked and he looked down at his wrist.  

“Sometime after four. We don’t have any schedules tomorrow, you can sleep in, come on, I’ll take you to bed.” He offered, pushing me off of the couch and to my room. 

“I should get up, I’ve got to practice,” I lied and he pushed me down onto the bed. 

“No, you’ve got to sleep, you’ve been under a lot of stress. I'm going to get you a glass of water, and then to bed, alright?” He commanded and I nodded, climbing into bed. 

He was back within a minute, placing the water on my bedside before climbing in beside me. 

“What was your nightmare about? You just kept mumbling stop?” He asked and I shook my head. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, please,” I whispered and he nodded. 

I leaned against his shoulder and he tightened his grip on me. 

“Last time I did this, you were mine,” He mumbled and I just looked up again, halfway back to sleep.

“I'm always yours Jaebummie, always,” I yawned before burying my head into his shoulder and letting myself fall asleep. 

 

I knocked on JYP’s door, having told the boys that I wanted to do a private practice before ducking out of the practice rooms. 

The rest of the boys had opted to stay home and sleep and get ready for one of our last days off before we started to really hit the grind. 

“Come in,” he commanded and I opened the door, closing it behind me and pulling the blinds. 

“What do you want?” He asked and I swallowed. 

“You texted me,” I whispered. 

“Last night, and you’re-” He looked at his watch “twelve hours overdue Junior,” I flinched at the use of the nickname but took a breath. 

“My members wouldn’t let me leave, and I fell asleep,” I excused and he snorted, putting his pen to the paper. It was quiet in the room, and I tried to keep myself from buckling under the pressure.

He finally looked up at me again, as if he were expecting me to be gone.

“What makes you think I want you now? Maybe it’s time we stop this Junior, maybe it’s time I find someone who is on time, someone who would jump at the chance to get special attention,” He claimed, his voice almost bored and I frowned. 

“Like who? Day6?” 

“No, like Bam-ah, it’s only right don’t you think. You were taking his place, maybe it’s time for him to reclaim his spot.” 

I grit my teeth and took a deep breath. I had to appeal to his kindness, even if I seriously doubted he had any, he was nothing but a self-serving asshole.

“Producer nim, I thought we agreed you wouldn’t touch the maknae,” voice was light, cute, and it took everything in me not to spit in his face. 

I hated this back and forth, but I couldn’t risk it, Bambam and Yugyeom were way too important to me than to let this man get his filthy hands on him because I doubted his sincerity. 

“Give me a reason, Junior.”

He pushed back from his chair and I got on my knees under his desk, unbuttoning his slacks and pulling himself out.

“You better work hard at it Junior, I don’t want any of your sloppiness,” He commanded, rubbing a hand over himself. 

“Yes PD-nim.” 

He pulled my head up to look at him and smirked. 

“Not PD-nim,” He taunted and I closed my eyes, feeling tears filling my eyes. 

I closed my eyes. 

Why was I so weak?

“Yes Oppa,” I cringed as he pushed my head down, pushing me farther into the space of his desk and I opened my mouth and let my mind blank out. 

 

“Have you seen Jinyoung?” I heard and my eyes opened. 

I went to pull off, but JYP’s hand gripped the back of my neck rough, warning me not to stop. 

“No, why?” He asked. 

“He told me he was going to be practicing, but he wasn’t in the practice rooms, I wanted to make sure he got something to eat.”

That was Jaebum’s voice. 

“Oh, well, he might have gone by himself, is everything alright?” JYP asked, pretending to be a caring producer. 

“Yes Producer-nim, I'm just- I'm worried about Jinyoung,” He confessed. 

“Oh really?” He asked, his hands coming down to press my cheek, reminding me to watch my teeth.

“Yeah, he’s been really spacey lately, and he has bruises, I'm worried he’s seeing someone,” Jaebum whispered and I wanted him to shut up. 

“He told me about that, that he and Mark had a fling, I told him to end it, is it still going on?” He asked. 

“No, of course not, Jinyoung wouldn’t disobey you like that,” Jaebum covered. 

JYP tugged on my hair, urging me to speed up. 

“I just think, maybe he’s… maybe he’s just stressed out, maybe he needs a break, maybe he should go home for a weekend, maybe that would help him,” 

“It’s too close to a comeback, we can’t have him missing, Maybe after this comeback, maybe then,” He explained.

“I'm sure he’ll appreciate it, thank you hyung,” Jaebum said before the door closed.

JYP came down my throat less than a second later.

“Hurry up, he’s going to be looking for you, and be more careful!” He smacked me aside the head and I nodded before getting up, my lips clamped together as I straightened out the knees of my sweat pants. I headed back to the practice room, already swishing listerine between my teeth. 

It wouldn’t get rid of the taste, but it was nice to pretend.

“Jinyoung-ah, where were you? I came by earlier,” Jaebum asked as I walked into the room and I pointed back towards the hall. 

“Bathroom, then calling my parents,” I explained and he nodded. 

“That’s why your eyes are all red, don’t cry Jinyoung-ah,” He pulled me into a hug and I rolled my eyes before pushing him away. 

“Get off of me,” I admonished and he ruffled my hair. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked, remembering to feign surprise at Jaebum waiting for me.

“I came to check on you, now come on, let’s go get something to eat,” He offered and I nodded, letting him lead me out of the practice room.

  
  


I couldn’t decide what exactly I expected to happen once we began to really promote,but I wasn’t imagining that we’d be down a member. 

Youngjae got sick while at a fan meeting, which we had to delay.

Of course because of that, we had to attend M! Countdown and another fan signing without him

I could feel how much this strained the rest of the band, especially now that schedules were starting to pick up, and we were starting to get individual schedules, starting to promote ourselves heavily. 

I felt the strain myself.

It was a familiar feeling, that feeling of detaching, of things beginning to separate and I could feel myself start to drift as things just strung along.

It was hard to really take in things, to keep track of the places we’d been and the things we’d done. and so it makes sense to me that I hadn’t realized just how my meetings with JYP began to spread out.

 

I walked into the studio to see Jaebum sitting at the mixer, headphones covering his ears as he mixed some track. 

We made a lot of music on the side, at least, Jaebum did. 

He liked to write things for the band, and write things for himself. 

Most of it never made the album, or the soundcloud, but that wasn’t because it wasn’t good, but because JYP convinced the man that no one wanted to hear his stuff,  that it was best if our title tracks were written by him and Earattack. He could have things on the album, but it was best not to get crazy, because our fans have come to expect a certain calibre of music, and we didn’t want to ruin that.

I personally thought that all of the stuff that Jaebum wrote was leaps and bounds above what was on our albums and that our music was kind of shitty compared to what I knew we could do if we could have more control over what we were doing, but that wasn’t up to me, and there was nothing I could do to convince JYP otherwise. 

“What are you doing?” I asked, tapping him on his back and he turned his head to look at me.

“Just mixing something,” He explained softly. 

“For the soundcloud?” I asked and he shook his head. 

“No, this is just for me,” He whispered softly and I nodded, wrapping my arms around his shoulder. 

He leaned back a little in my embrace and pulled his headphones off, putting them over my head.

I nodded my head as the beat filled my ears, listening as he talked about heartache and longing.

“It sounds good,” I whispered and he shook his head, turning away.

“No, it’s just something I was playing around with, I won’t release it.”

He turned off the music and I pulled the headphones off. 

“It couldn’t be a GOT7 song,” I whispered and he nodded. 

“Not enough parts, I didn’t- I don’t want us singing about this,” his hands busied themselves over the keyboard and I leaned my head against his.

“It’s a JJ project song, isn’t it?” I asked and he nodded again. 

“Yeah, I guess, I mean, it’s a song for me, but it’s a song for you too.”

“Who broke your heart like that?” I asked and he swallowed. 

“You did,” he whispered and I pulled away from him.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I'm sorry,” He whispered and I hugged myself. 

“Don’t say that, don’t say I broke your heart like that,” I whispered and he sighed.

“I can’t lie Jinyoung. The whole Mark thing, the fact I kissed you the night before and you just keep- I'm sorry Jinyoung, I didn’t mean for it to happen like this,” He explained and I bit my lip. 

“I wanted you for seven years, and this is how you tell me, after I’ve gone and fucked it all?” I asked and he shrugged. 

“I thought, I thought you knew, I just thought you didn’t want me, that you wanted someone who could be like you, someone who didn’t have to do have to hide all of it, like Mark. Mark isn't afraid to be that way, not like me, I'm sorry,” 

“I hate you so much, you know that,” I whispered and he shook his head. 

“No you don’t,” 

“Yes I do,” I teased, a smile spreading across my face, despite myself. 

Even if we were potentially ruined, it was still so exhilarating to know that Jaebum loved me like I’d loved him, that we could be together.

“You’re an asshole Jaebum, to confess over a break-up song,” 

“I'm your hyung,” 

“You’re an asshole,” I countered and he tried to put on a stern face. 

“Jinyoung, watch it,” 

“No, asshole,” I teased and he scooted his chair back. 

“Come here,” He admonished and my legs went on autopilot, dropping me down to my knees in front of him as my eyes closed.

“I'm sorry hyung,” I whispered before pulling his sweats down and taking him in my mouth.

 

I pulled off of him once he finished and he leaned his head back, having a hard time catching his breath. He traced his hands over my lips.

“Jinyoung-ah, what was that? You didn’t have to-” He blew out a breath and I opened my eyes to realize what I just did.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn’t- I should go,” I muttered, backing away from the hand that had traced around my lips. 

“Wait, Jinyoung,”

“No, I should go,” I whispered, before getting off of my knees and leaving the room quickly. 

 

I made my way back to the dorm, heading up to the roof instead of our rooms. 

I climbed the access stairs before going to sit by the edge, pulling the alcohol out of the black plastic bag and leaning my head against the edge as I drank, wondering what it would be like to actually stand up on the ledge, but knowing exactly what would happen if I did.

“Jinyoung hyung?” I heard and I turned to see Bambam standing beside me. 

“Hey, you never came back, you okay?” He asked and I frowned. 

“What do you want?” I muttered, slightly drunk and he sighed, sitting next to me. 

“Jaebum hyung called,” 

“Oh, what did he say?” I asked and he sighed. 

“Nothing important, just that he confessed,and then you freaked out, but he sounded embarrassed, what did you do?” 

“I sucked his dick, then left him sitting there, dick out,” I whispered, handing him the bottle of soju and the boy took a sip. 

“Why’d you leave, I thought that’s what you wanted?” Bambam asked and I shrugged. 

“I didn’t exactly ask if he wanted me to suck his dick, I just- my brain was on autopilot and I was on my knees like a slut,” My head was heavy and I laid it on the concrete edge.

I was well on my way from tipsy to blasted as I opened another bottle of soju.

“You were on autopilot?” He asked and I nodded. 

“He scooted back the chair and my brain just- he was right, I'm like a fucking pavlovian dog, I hear a chair and I start slobbering, I'm such a slut,” I muttered and Bambam shook his head. 

“No, jinyoung hyung, you’re not- you’re not a slut. I am,” Bambam whispered before taking a deep gulp of the alcohol. 

“Kunpimook, what do you mean?” I asked and he shook his head, laying his head on my shoulder, starting to sob. 

I held him through it.  

He ended up sleeping in my bed that night. 

We were both too drunk to talk and he was too drunk to go back to his room with Yugyeom. Instead he sat on the toilet, pressing cold spoons to his eyes before drunkenly stumbling into my bed and holding me tight.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung gets shocked, and Jaebum finds out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The non-con in this one is a bit bad in this one, but it's not too much. Be careful. Also, Jinyoung dissociates a lot in this, and there is mild violence between members, but again it's not too much.

The next morning, I woke up with a splitting headache and my mouth feeling like it was full of fuzz. I made my way to the kitchen to make me something to drink to get rid of the headache and now the feeling of nauseousness rolling through my stomach before I felt hands wrap around my waist, a head resting itself on my shoulder. 

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum cooed and I sighed, pushing him away.

“Move, I'm going to throw up,” I whispered and his hands loosened. 

“Are you okay? You feeling sick?” He asked, his hands all over me and i sighed, slapping at the intrusive hands. 

“No, I'm hungover.” I complained and he frowned, cupping my face in his hands. 

“You were drinking last night? Before a schedule?” He asked and I shrugged. 

“I did a lot of things last night before a schedule that I shouldn’t have,” I muttered, trying to move out of his grip and he stabilized my face. 

“Do you mean- when we?” 

“God you don’t have to say it,” I hissed out and he frowned.

“I don’t regret it,” He whispered and I rolled my eyes. 

“Of course you don’t regret it, you were the one getting your dick sucked,” I hissed and he bit his lip. 

“Jinyoung-”

“No, it’s the principle of the matter. I'm such a slut, I literally sucked your dick before we even kissed, and-” 

“Jinyoung, we’ve kissed before,” Jaebum stopped me and I paused. 

“What?” I asked. 

“Jinyoung, we’ve kissed before, I kissed you,” He explained and I frowned, trying to remember when this was.

“In your bed, right before everything with Mark- I wanted- I thought we were- Jinyoung, you remember right?” He asked and I nodded even though I really couldn’t remember and that was definitely a problem, because the one thing I always thought I would remember would be Jaebum’s lips on mine, because I’d dreamt about it for years. 

“I meant after you confessed, I should have kissed you before jumping your bones,” I whispered and he pulled me into him again. 

“I don’t care, we can kiss now, we can kiss tomorrow, we can kiss whenever you want, just as long as you don’t regret me confessing to you,” he muttered and I smiled weakly at him. 

“So on weekly Idol, I can just lean over and lay one on you?” I asked and he swatted at me. 

“No, you know that, don’t ask stupid questions Jinyoung.” 

“Fine Jaebum-ah,” I whispered and he pressed his lips to mine.

“That’s hyung to you, so disrespectful,” He whispered under his breath and I pinched his side. 

“Let me go, I'm still hungover,” I muttered and he looked down at me, his smile showing his gums and Jesus, even when Jaebum was making an ugly face, he was so pretty.

I didn’t deserve him. 

I heard Yugyeom whine and Jaebum pushed me away before realizing what he’d done. I shook my head at him when he opened his mouth to try and explain. 

Yugyeom came stomping into the kitchen, his hands clenched at his side as he slammed through the fridge. 

“Hey watch it before you break the damn thing,” Jaebum warned the boy and he turned his frown on Jaebum before drooping as he lost all the tension. His anger just turned to sadness. 

“What’s wrong?” Jaebum asked and he bit at his lip. 

“Bam is being weird again, he yelled at me,” He complained. 

“What did you do to him to make him yell at you?” I asked and he turned red, his anger back as petulance. He stomped his foot like a child. his arms folding over his chest.

“He was in the shower and I pulled open the curtain, he got all mean and yelled at me, called me a pervert! I'm not a pervert!” Yugyeom complained and I sighed. 

“Maybe he wants his own privacy, not everyone wants to be peeped at while they shower.” Jaebum mediated and Yugyeom went to complain more when Mark and Jackson came into the kitchen, wondering if anyone woke up Youngjae yet. 

 

It began to go on like this for a while, as the end of the year approached and Bambam began to practice for _Good Girl, Bad Girl_. He had to spend more time in the studio, more time with other bands’ members, and when he did hang out with our band, he would end up locking himself in his room, or fighting with Yugyeom. 

It was strange to see the two fighting that way, Bambam getting fed up with Yugyeom quickly, and Yugyeom just trying to figure out what he did this time. Bam rarely sat in his lap anymore, rarely did anything like he usually did. 

I was worried.

This wasn't the Bambam that I knew. But I couldn't talk to anyone else about it, so I let it go, trusting that he'd come to me in another late night conversation, and we'd get it sorted out.

I was wrong.

I walked into JYP’s office before stopping as I took in the scene. 

Bambam was seated in JYP’s lap, the man’s hands down the front of Bambam’s pants as his head was cast down. He had tears in his eyes, but his mouth was clenched shut in a resigned frown. 

“What the fuck is going on?” I asked and Bambam looked up. 

“Jinyoung hyung,” he startled and I grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the man. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I hissed and Bambam shook his head,

“I'm sorry hyung, I'm sorry,” He sounded like he was on the verge of breaking down. He wouldn't look up at me.

“Go home Bambam,” I ordered softly and he shook his head. 

“I don’t- you can’t tell anyone,”

“Go home, now,” I ordered more forcefully and he nodded, scrambling to get himself situated before leaving with one last glance at JYP.

I turned my own attention on JYP. It was like all my worst nightmares were coming true. I felt like I should pinch myself and I would wake up. But that wasn't going to happen, because this was all too real, and the proof of my failures had just walked out of the room, holding his pants up in shame.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing to that boy? What the fuck was I in here on my knees for, bent over that goddamned desk for?” I yelled and he just laughed. 

“You’re so cute when you’re jealous, Junior,” He laughed and I frowned, clenching my fist. 

“I'm not jealous, I'm fucking furious. The maknae were off limits, I told you that, that’s the only reason I even let you touch me!” My hands were shaking, and I could feel my throat getting hot and scratchy.

“You wanted me!” His voice was strong in his accusation, like he really believed that. It was as if he thought I lived to have some forty something year old creep bending me over a table every other month. He didn't know just how wrong he was.   
“I didn’t want you! I’ve never wanted you! I’ve never even gotten off with you, that’s how much I hate you, I'm repulsed by you!” I yelled and he laughed. 

“Well, Bambam didn’t seemed to be so repulsed, he came to me, after your little disappearing act, he wanted to be a good boy, and he really was,” He had a sick smile on his face, as if he were reminiscing defiling the boy.

I couldn’t hold the anger back anymore and I moved to hit him, but he was too fast, catching my hand and pulling me over his desk. 

“I didn’t get to cum, and I was really close Junior, you’re going to have to fix that for me,” his breath was warm on the back of my neck and it repulsed me.   
“Get off of me!” I spat into the desk, even though it jumbled my words. 

“It’s either that, or you bring him back to me,” he jostled my shoulder particularly hard.

My mind entertained it for a moment, me bringing him back to this room, watching with horror as he attacked him.

I would rather die than let that happen.

“Fuck you!” I spat and he pulled down my joggers. 

“Your choice,” He hissed before pushing his fingers into me roughly.

His upper body held me to the desk as other hand pushed into the front of my underwear. 

“No! Stop it!” I yelled and he laughed. 

“Come on Junior, you’ve hurt my pride, now you’ve got to cum,” He laughed and I closed my eyes, my body going limp as the pain washed over me. 

 

“I'm not telling Jaebum I did this to you,” Mark hissed and I groaned, my head buried into my pillow. 

I was shirtless, red marks pressing deep into my back, leading to the dip of my spine and my hips where bite marks and hickeys lay. 

That lead to my underwear.

I was pantsless, my underwear the only thing covering my shame, but not by much. 

They were spotted with blood and I couldn’t get up. 

I should have gotten in the shower, I should have checked on Bambam, who was hiding under his blanket and refused to come out, I should have done something besides strip and lay down. 

But I couldn’t do anything besides lay there, my face pressed into the pillow. 

I’d never orgasmed with anyone else before, and he had to take that from me too. 

He had to take everything from me.

“You have too, please hyung!”

I needed the chance to fix what I messed up.

“No, this is way worse than anything before, I'm not, I'm not fessing up to hurting you. Everything has finally gotten better again, Me and Jackson are starting over, you and Jaebum- I'm not- I'm not going to cover up for him and ruin everything.” 

“You don’t understand, You don’t- he hurt Bambam, he was hurting Bambam, You’ve got to cover, so I can make it right, I was supposed to protect him and- I have to make it right, have to make sure he doesn’t do it again,” I started to sob and Mark rubbed my back. 

I flinched away from him.

“Then why the hell won’t you tell? It’s over now Jinyoung, you have to tell, either you do it, or I will,” He bolstered and I shook my head. 

How could I face everyone and let them know that what happened to Bambam happened because I was a failure. I couldn't let them see me like that.

“No, please Mark, no,” I whimpered, stumbling over the word, repeating it. 

No no no. 

The door opened and I turned my head to see Jaebum standing over my bed. 

All hell was about to break loose. 

 

I could only watch as Jaebum forced Mark up against the wall, his forearm barring across his throat. 

“What the fuck did you do to him?” He asked menacingly, his forearm bearing down further on his trachea. 

Mark wasn’t weak, I knew that, we all knew that, but not many stood a chance against Jaebum’s fury. 

“Gaga! Help!” Mark yelled, his voice cracking and I could hear the commotion of Jackson dropping whatever the hell he was doing to come to Mark’s rescue. 

Mark only ever had to say Gaga to get Jackson’s attention, but he had never said it like that, in that scared tone. 

I was scared for him. 

Everything began to get more distant as I watched Jackson slam open my door, his eyes scanning the room frantically before falling on Jaebum and Mark. 

Mark was scrambling, trying to get Jaebum’s forearm off of his throat. 

“Get the fuck off of him!” Jackson roared, pulling at Jaebum, who threw a punch at Jackson. 

“No, no stop,” I whimpered, feeling farther and farther away.

Maybe I was too far away and everything was too loud and it was all too much.

Maybe I didn’t matter, maybe I was too small to matter.

“Tell him the truth! Tell him Jinyoung!” Mark was yelling but it was getting too loud  and now other members were coming in the room.

“What happened to hyung? Is he bleeding?” Youngjae asked and I felt like my brain was so far away, I was so far away, spinning out and-

 

“Jinyoung-ah, shit, Jinyoung, come on,” I heard and my eyes refocused to see Jaebum rubbing his hands through my hair, his eyes wide and, dare I say, scared. 

Why was Jaebum so scared?

“What’s going on?” I whispered, and his face fell, his hands continuing to rub through my hair. 

I was warm and I moved my hands to see they were covered by a blanket. 

“You spaced out on us for a little while there, you scared me,” He whispered and I frowned, trying to remember what was going on, who us was. 

Jaebum was the only person in my room, and he was kneeling on the floor beside my bed. 

“Who’s us?” I asked and he sighed. 

“The boys, they were in here a while ago, but I made them leave.” 

“Why did you make them leave?” I asked. 

“They were scaring you.”

“I'm not afraid of the boys. I love them, they’re family,” I whispered. 

“Yeah I know, I know honey. He’s been hurting you this whole time, hasn’t he?” Jaebum asked and I nodded. 

I wasn’t sure why’d I’d been so afraid of telling Jaebum, he was taking it so well, taking such good care of me.

“He’s been hurting you, and all we’ve done is treat you like- Jackson called you a slut- did Mark call you a slut too?” He asked and I frowned. 

“Why would Mark call me a slut, he knew what was happening, he always told me it wasn’t my fault,” I murmured, pulling the blanket higher up my chest until it rested under my chin. 

I wanted to go to sleep, I was getting tired, and it had been so easy to tell Jaebum, even though he was asking about Mark, why would he ask about Mark?

“What are you talking about, hasn’t Mark been hurting you? When he said you two were sleeping together, it was because he was forcing you to, wasn’t it?” He asked and I let my eyes track up to Jaebum’s face. 

How could he have gotten it so wrong?

“No, he would never hurt me, never, Mark hyung isn’t like that. He was trying to protect me, because I didn’t want anyone to know,” I whispered and he frowned. 

“You didn’t want anyone to know what Jinyoung-ah? What are you keeping from me?” he asked and I shook my head, my breath becoming shallow, because it was one thing for Mark to know, and it was one thing for Bambam to know, but for Jaebum to know, that would be too much. 

The only reason he wasn’t getting it was because he didn’t want to get it. Of course he wouldn’t want to believe JYP did this to me.

He wouldn’t understand, he’d just be so mad at me, he would hate me. 

Everything was getting so good, and I fucked it up, because I was always fucking shit up and I’ve never been good enough for Jaebum, I’ve never been good enough for anything and I was only good to be on my knees and the only reason I was still in JYPE was because of my mouth, but if I told then what would be the point? I would have to leave.

I didn’t want to leave Jaebum, I didn’t want to leave any of them. I was going to leave and they would move on without me and I wouldn’t-

“Hey, no, stay with me, stay with me alright, come on Jinyoung-ah, what happened.”

“No, I can’t- I don’t want to leave,” I whimpered. 

“Was it a manager, we can tell JYP, we can make it okay,” He whispered and I shook my head. 

“No, no we can’t, we can’t. It’ll never be okay,” I sobbed and he shushed me. 

“JYP can fix it, I promise, he’ll fix it.”

“No he can’t! He can’t fix anything!” I yelled and he startled. 

“Jinyoung, whatever they said to you, I won’t let them hurt you, I won’t let them do it, I swear.” 

“No you idiot. JYP can’t fix shit because he- I was- I'm sleeping with JYP.” I murmured and his face contorted. 

“I”m sorry, I'm sorry. I didn’t- I was doing it for us, I swear, I was doing it so we would be okay, I never-” I felt like I was going to throw up. 

“How long Jinyoung?” He asked, his voice cold and I recoiled from him.

I’d fuck it up.

There was no way I could lie to him now, I couldn’t take it back. 

I could only tell him the truth and hope he didn’t hate me too much.

“Since JJ Project ended, that was the first time I sucked his dick, but before that it was just a bunch of touching, and it stopped after GOT7 formed and I put it all behind me, then Bam and Yugyeom got into that trouble in America and he threatened to- I was just trying to be a good Eomma, but he still- He was-” I gagged again. My stomach seemed to flip flop and I leaned my head off of the bed before throwing up in Jaebum’s lap.

He just pat my back through it, his face still stony.

“I'm sorry- I'm so sorry,” I cried, snot running down my face and my mouth feeling disgusting. 

Jaebum just pulled his joggers off. He methodically changed into a pair of mine before balling up the ones I’d ruined and throwing it into the bathroom. I watched him do it through bleary eyes, wondering when he was going to snap and call me disgusting and dirty, tell me what I knew about myself already, that I was weak, pathetic, and that I could never belong to him because he’d never have something so broken.

“Jinyoung, how old were you when it started?” He asked finally, his face softer this time, and I tried to make it better, maybe if I explained it right, I could make it better.  

“He waited until I was legal to make me do anything to him, but he’d made me take my clothes off a couple of times, and like touch myself, but he’d only ever told me it was because of fans, and health, like he’d never made me make myself cum, just- he liked to watch me.” I whispered and Jaebum laid his head on the side of the bed. 

He looked like he wanted to reach out and touch me, but was afraid.

“Jesus, Jinyoung, you know that wasn’t consensual, right? That you didn’t sleep with JYP,  that he fucking raped you, you understand that, don’t you?” He asked and I shrugged. 

I wasn’t sure if I could believe that, because I knew what happened when those doors closed, and it wasn’t as if he knocked me over the head with a shovel. He gave me a choice. 

I knew what I chose.

“That’s what Mark says, but I went to him, I went to him to keep him from going to Bambam. He only ever held me down twice, other than that, I did it willingly. I was the one who got on my knees in front of him.” 

“Jinyoung, he coerced you, we’ve got to- we’ve got to tell someone.” He spoke resolutely and I shook my head. 

Who could we tell? 

Who would even believe us?

“No, please, don’t- don’t do that please, I can make it okay again, I swear, I can make it better, I don't want to leave you, please, I can make it better,” I whimpered and Jaebum leaned his head against mine as I cried.

What the hell were we going to do now?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung tells the other boys

I sat in the living room, one of Jaebum’s biggest pullovers wrapped around my frame and a cup of tea held between my hands. Bam was sitting on the couch next to me, a giant pullover on as well as a pair of sweats that I knew had to belong to Yugyeom.

All of Bambam’s clothing was tight anyway, he didn’t really have anything of his own to really cover up in.

Bam’s knees were tucked under his chin, his arms wrapped around them.

He looked so tiny and defeated as his eyes stayed attached to the ground.

Yugyeom had to physically carry Bambam out of bed, and place him on the couch because the boys said they needed to have this talk, they needed to figure it out.

I thought it could wait until morning, but Jaebum was decidedly against it, considering we had to be at JYPE in the morning.

“Tell us what happened,” Jaebum goaded and Bambam shook his head, still avoiding his eye contact.

“Please, Bam-ah, tell me what happened, I want to help,” Yugyeom whispered and Bambam shook his head again.

“You can’t- there’s nothing to help, I had it under control, I was handling it.”

“No you weren’t, Bam, I thought that too, and I was wrong, it was way out of control,” I whispered and he looked up at me.

“No! I had it under control, it was- it was going to be okay, I was helping and now everything’s ruined!” Bambam yelled before squeezing his arms tighter around his legs.

“What do you mean? Bambam, what do you mean?” I asked and he let out a sigh, muttering something thickly in thai before clearing his throat.

“I- I was helping you hyung. I just wanted to help you… Yugyeom told me about the bruises that he saw on you, and I… you were in JYP’s office so much, I figured that maybe he was hitting you, or something, so I confronted him. He told me that I could help, that if I- If I had sex with him, that he’d- he’d leave you alone, he wouldn’t hurt you like that. But you found out and you weren’t supposed to find out. No one was supposed to know!” He cried into his knees and I rubbed his back.

He flinched away from me and I looked up to see Yugyeom staring at the boy, his face broken. He looked so lost.

“When- when did this start?” Jaebum asked and Bambam shook his head.

His shoulders shook underneath the blanket that Yugyeom had covered him in.

“It started when I was a trainee, but it was just… I thought it was normal. All he ever did was just- like it was just watching, mostly you know. He’d make me take off my clothes and pose and stuff or like-”

“Touch yourself? He said he wanted to make sure you were healthy, that you were maintaining your diet, sticking to the regimen,” I whispered and he turned his head to look at me.

“Yeah,” He whispered unsurely.

“It didn’t really get too bad, until after you were legal, then it was more, he wanted more from you, until he gave you a choice, only it wasn’t really a choice, because he knew what he was doing,”

“Hyung, how do you know?” He asked softly.

“Because, that’s- that’s what he did to me. He used to make me do that stuff too, always compared me to Jaebum so that it was normalized, so it sounded like this was normal, ‘well JB had abs, so you should let me make sure your body is still good,’ ‘come let me see how your muscles are developing, ‘don’t be modest, all idols take off their clothes’ ‘the fans will love your ass,” I spat bitterly.

My skin was crawling as I thought about the way he looked at me when he’d said it.

It had made me feel so dirty and now was no different.

“The girls are going to die for your thigh gap, bend like that, yeah you’re so good at dancing like a girl’ Pull down your pants, just a little, let me see your hipbones, they’re going to love that,” Bambam choked out and I clenched my hands in a fist, wanting to hold his hand so bad.

I never wanted him to feel this way, I wanted to protect him, and I failed.

I looked at the faces in the room, and realized that I had to tell them more. I didn’t necessarily owe them the truth, but I felt like they should know.

“The first time he made me get on my knees, it was for JB. He- he told me that he was going to end JJ project, and send us home because he found out that I liked Jaebum, although I never could figure out how he found out. I begged him to let hyung stay, said I would do anything, that I deserved to be kicked out, but not hyung. He told me to get on my knees and show him what I wanted to do to Jaebum, give him a reason to let him stay. Then when we started training again, it was give him a reason to get Jaebum and me in GOT7,” I confessed.

“To get us into GOT7? Jinyoung, our work, our talent got us into GOT7,” Jaebum began, as if he knew it was the truth, like he couldn’t face any other alternative.

“No, my mouth got us into GOT7, or rather it was what got GOT7 out of training hell, he said he wanted a group, with you as the leader, but that he needed convincing, I had to do something to keep my stain off of the group, so I got underneath the table.”

“God, I said- I wouldn’t have said that if I had known- if I had known you had to- I never would have joked about that stuff, ever,” Jackson whispered, he looked like he was near tears himself.

Mark was holding his hand through it.

Youngjae was sitting in the corner, looking like everything he had ever known had been shattered.

But of course it had,

“Maybe, maybe it was unintentional, maybe he didn’t mean it like that,” Youngjae whispered and I watched as Bambam’s head snapped up.

“What was unintentional about it Youngjae? What was unintentional about him making me get in his lap. Of him putting his fingers- of him putting his dick in me? How did I misconstrue it?” bambam lashed out and Youngjae held his hands up.

“I didn’t-”

“You’re right, you didn’t experience it, you didn’t get taken advantage of. So you don’t have anything to say about this.”

“I'm sorry Bam- I just don’t understand how this could have- I'm sorry,” Youngjae whimpered before getting up and going to his and Jaebum’s room, slamming the door.

Someone should have gone after him, but none of us really had it in us to leave bambam like that. We had more important things to hash out.

“Then it all stopped, until America, that’s when shit went downhill,” I continued.

“He started making me and Yugyeom dance for him more, started making me and yugyeom take off our shirts,” Bambam filled in.

“Then it all stopped,” Yugyeom whispered.

“Yeah, because Bambam came to me crying, and I didn’t want anything to happen to him, not like what was happening to me, so I told him to use me instead. He told me my mouth wasn’t going to be enough this time, that I had to-” I clenched my fist.

“Then I found his bloody underwear and he begged me not to tell you, begged me to keep it a secret,” Mark whispered and Jaebum looked back at him.

“So you started the lie about Jinyoung and you sleeping together? Why would you not tell me?” He asked, anger lacing his voice, and I flinched back at the sound.

“Because it wasn’t my secret to tell, he told me not to tell, and I told him that I didn’t like it, he told me that telling wouldn’t help. That it’d just be another open world, but worse, because they’d never convict JYP, not with ‘Jinyoung being a male.' I didn’t want to make it worse, so I didn’t say anything.”

“Then shit obviously got so bad that Bambam was sucked into it,” Jackson added, stubbornly refusing to wipe his tears, Mark was discreetly wiping his eyes on his sleeves.

“Then Jinyoung- hyung walked in on us, and now you all know,” Bambam’s face turned red and Yugyeom reached out, his hand on the boy’s small knee.

“Why didn’t you tell me? We’re best friends, we tell each other everything,” Yugyeom whispered and Bambam shook his head.

“What was I supposed to say Yugyeom? That I was fucking JYP? That I was wrong, and all that stuff did mean something? I was afraid that you’d look at me differently, afraid that you thought I chose it, that I wanted him to-” He cut himself off, a sob coming out of his throat and Yugyeom got up, his face stony.

“Yugyeom, where are you going?” I asked and he just grabbed his jacket, storming out of the dorm.

Jaebum and Jackson looked at each other briefly before storming out after him.

“I’m going to check on Youngjae,” Mark whispered, leaving me and Bam alone.

I looked over at the small boy, leaning my head against his.

“Bam- I'm sorry, I was doing it so you wouldn’t have to… I should have been better, I should have-”

“You did enough hyung, I just- I shouldn’t have fell for it, I should have-” I could hear it, hear all of his thoughts.

He should have behaved himself, shouldn’t have acted so gay, shouldn’t have led the man on, shouldn’t have been such a slut, should have stayed home.

I’d had those same thoughts as well.

“We should have known that all that shit he was saying doesn’t apply to us, that it wasn’t our faults, that he shouldn’t have done any of that to us,” I whispered and he nodded slightly, leaning more into me as we waited for the boys to get back.

 

“Where have you been?” I asked as Jaebum walked in, dragging behind him a disgruntled Yugyeom.

“Reining this one in. he’d made his way to JYPE, was looking for the man,” Jaebum pushed the boy in front of him.

Jackson closed the door behind them, his fist clenched.  

“Go get in bed, don’t bother Bam,” He admonished and Yugyeom clenched his jaw but headed back to their room.

“Mark’s in my room?” Jackson asked and I nodded.

Jackson went off to follow.

Bambam had gone to bed a while ago, needing to be reassured that Yugyeom didn’t run out because he was disgusted by the boy.

I knew that wasn’t the case, but it was hard to express that to the small thai boy.

“What was his plan, to just beat the shit out of the man? What could that have solved?” I asked and Jaebum shrugged.

“I was down for it, but the man wasn’t there and no one would give us his address,” Jaebum hissed and I shook my head.

“That would have gotten all three of you arrested, then what? No one would believe us then,” I whispered and he sighed.

“What are we going to do if no one believes us?” I asked and he wrapped his arms around me tentatively.

“Then we’ll make them believe us, fuck all of that. Jinyoung, I'm so sorry that you thought you had to do any of that for me, I'm so sorry I treated you so bad, you needed me and I wasn’t there for you,” Jaebum apologized, wrapping me in his arms and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

“I should have told you, I'm sorry,” I whispered and he kissed my forehead.

“What are we going to do about tomorrow? We have a schedule, and you have a meeting with JYP, what are you going to do?” I asked and he fished his phone out of his pocket.

I watched with mild interest as he dialed a number before holding the phone up to his ear.

“We’re sick, yes all of us, food poisoning, we’re not coming in tomorrow for dance practice, or vocal lessons, sorry,” Jaebum said in his least sick voice before hanging up.

“We’re not going back there, not to work,” Jaebum spoke resolutely and I looked back at the dorm rooms, wondering how I could do this, allow everyone’s careers to be wrecked.

But then I thought about the look on Bambam’s face, and what that must have meant for other groups, what he could have done to the other idol groups, and I knew it didn’t matter, I had to stop it.

“We should go to bed, we’ll figure things out in the morning,” Jaebum whispered and I nodded.

I walked into my bedroom to see Bambam and Yugyeom lying in the middle of my bed. I got in on the side of them and closed my eyes.

I woke up surrounded by the boys, who had somehow wormed their way into my bed or onto the floor beside of it.

It was just like the night before the debut.

We were stepping into unknown territory, but it wasn't just me and Jaebum this time, but five other boys vying for our attention and love as well.

I decided I could close my eyes and go back to sleep, my boys would protect me.

 

I got up early the next morning, heading to the kitchen to find Jackson, Mark and Jaebum leaning against the counter talking quietly over the coffee pot.

Jackson handed me a green tea that he’d made and I raised my eyebrow.

“We’re having a hyungline meeting without me? Since when have I been demoted?” I asked and Jaebum shook his head.

“We just wanted you to rest, you’ve had a stressful couple of days.” Mark reassured me and I nodded, taking a sip of the tea.

“Sure,” I said before leaning next to Jaebum.

Even with the realization of all of this, he was still my rock.  

Jaebum squeezed the back of my neck and I leaned into the affection.

“We should call other idols, past trainees,” Mark suggested and I shook my head. That familiar shame was back.

“I don't want other people to know, what if it was just me?” I asked and Jackson shook his head.

“No, not the way he did it identically to you and Bam. There's no way he hasn't tried this again.”

“But he wasn't successful, like with Yugyeom, and he wasn't interested in Youngjae, so maybe it was an us thing, Maybe he sensed something in us that would-”

“Stop! Would you say that to Bambam’s face? Would you tell him that the reason JYP picked him was because there was something in him that would be easy to exploit?” Jackson leveraged and I shook my head.

“No-”

“Then don’t say that about yourself, you know it isn’t the truth.”

I looked down at the cup in my hand.

Did I know it wasn't the truth?

“Maybe you could call Jinwoon, see if anything happened with them, Maybe you could call wonpil check on them,”  Mark strategized and I continued to look down at my tea, not drinking it, but just stirring it.

Little ripples were rising to the top, and it reminded me of a lake. A little green lake to get lost in.

“Jinyoung?” I felt Jaebum’s hands on my arms and I looked up at the man who was staring down at me with a frown.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and he moved his hand up to caress my brow bone.

“How long have you been doing that?” He asked and I raised an eyebrow, feeling his thumb move with it.

“Doing what?” I asked and he sighed.

“Spacing out?”

“Everyone spaces out, what were we talking about?” I asked impatiently and he shook his head. I just wanted everyone to stop staring at me and get back to the conversation at hand.

“It’s worse than just spacing out, it’s like your face just goes blank, and you just- you just go away,” He explained and I shrugged.

“I dunno, what were we talking about?” I asked more impatiently.

“Jinyoung,”

“I don’t want to talk about it, now what were we talking about?” I asked and he dropped his hands before clearing his throat.

“We were talking about shopping around, what to do if-”

“When they decide to not believe what I say?” I asked and he shrugged noncommittally.

“Well, that’s what’s going to happen isn’t it? No one’s going to believe me.”

“They will believe you, especially if we have other idols come forward, that kind of stuff really helps,” Mark began.

“Yeah, but do you know what’s going to happen to anyone who talks? They’ll be blacklisted, just like we will, no one’s going to want a bunch of gays on their label,” I hissed and Jaebum grabbed my hand.

“Stop that, stop with that negativity, we’re good, people will want us, we’re good, and even if- we had a good run, maybe we won’t be able to continue as a group, but we still-”

“No,” I looked up to see Youngjae standing at the door.

“I don’t- that’s not fair, why should we be punished for this? The whole team didn’t sleep with JYP it was just Bambam and Jinyoung.”

“Youngjae-” Jackson warned.

“No! Why should we- why should we suffer, why should our dreams end? It’s not fair, it’s not fair that they could say- that they could- it’s not fair that they get to fuck up our dreams just because they-”

“Youngjae enough! It is one thing to feel hurt, it is another to attack your hyung! I know you’re confused, but you’re not going to treat him like what happened was his or Bambam’s fault, it was solely JYP’s fault,” Jaebum put his leader voice on and I watched as Youngjae’s shoulders collapsed.

“Why- Why can’t we just go back to the way it was before. This isn’t fair,” Youngjae whimpered, leaning against the wall.

“Can’t we just make him promise not to do it again, I don’t want to lose you guys,” He curled into a ball in the doorway and I watched as Mark moved over to him, pulling him into his arms.

I should have comforted him, but I just didn’t have it in me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung and Jaebum go to see JYP, and next steps are discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's just really annoying baiting in this, where JYP sort of tries to turn the tables on Jinyoung about what happened. Be careful. You may have also noticed that this is starting to be closer to the end. Well, it is.  
> I haven't put a chapter count on this, because I had some... tag along one shots and scenes that either didn't fit into the main story i.e they weren't from Jinyoung's point of view, or things that would have happened after the story... so if you all are interested in that, let me know through comments.   
> If not, that's cool, but I want to know what you all think.  
> Also, if you had any questions, or any scenes through out the story that you wanted clarified, or that you wanted to see, let me know as well!

“I think that you all should take a day off while I go visit JYP.” Jaebum spoke and all the boys turned their heads to look at him. 

We'd all managed to find ourselves in the living room by noon, so unaccustomed to having a day off where everyone was in the dorm. The air was a bit heavy, with everyone knowing the truth, and it felt almost like this first couple of nights of living with each other, when we were still learning how to behave around one another.

“Hyung, no, I want to go with you,” Yugyeom complained and I watched as Bambam leaned against the boy. He was still tucking himself into himself, making himself as small as he physically could. He hadn't talked to Youngjae all morning, and Youngjae had steered clear of Bambam as well.

“That’s a really bad idea, I don’t need you going into a rage, I don’t want you to do that,” He explained and I could see the tears collecting in Yugyeom’s eyes, not from sadness, but from rage. 

But he wouldn’t dare protest against his hyung,

Not like me. 

I didn't give a fuck about remaining respectful, not when this was about me in the first place.

“I'm coming with you,” I said and he turned towards me. 

“No, Jinyoung, I don’t- that’s not-”

“Don’t treat me like less of a man, just because- I'm going with you,” I spoke, finality in my voice. 

He relented, knowing that I wasn't going to budge.

 

“I thought you all were sick. Were you trying to play a prank, I’ll have to say, it wasn’t very funny,” JYP spoke as we sat down in his office, and I could see Jaebum’s fists tighten. It was weird to be in the office like this, without knowing what to expect from the interaction.

“We- we know what you did,” Jaebum spoke and I watched as JYP’s eyes flicked between me and Jaebum. 

“Is that so?” He leaned back in his chair as if he didn’t have a care in the world, like he hadn’t been exposed. I wondered if it bothered Jaebum as much as it did me.

“Yes, and we’re going to tell,” Jaebum’s voice was firm and JYP looked me over. 

“So Junior told you that we slept together, and now you’re all in a tizzy.”

“Don’t call me that.” I bit out and Jaebum’s face turned red in anger, his mouth set in a frown. 

“What are you insinuating?” He hissed coolly.

“I'm insinuating that the boy has you confused, that he’s confused the whole thing and obviously got you trapped in his lie, isn’t that right, Junior,” his eyes locked on me, making me feel small.

“Stop calling me Junior,” I whispered. 

“There is nothing confusing about the situation,” Jaebum said, being strong when I felt like I couldn't.

“But isn’t there? He is the one who came to me, who dropped to his knees for me, I never told him to do that, he initiated everything, he never once told me to stop. In fact, he came back for it. Isn’t that right Junior, isn’t it right that you wanted me? He’s just mad because I slept with Bambam, and he’s concocted some lie to get back at me,” He reasoned and I shook my head.

“Don’t- Jinyoung wouldn’t-” Jaebum began to defend me.

“Wouldn’t what? He’s always been like this, he’s sneaky and dodgy and ashamed of what he is, so he lies to take the blame off of himself, he won’t accept that he is responsible for it all, isn’t that right Junior, you tell him the truth, tell him that you lied Junior,” JYP stood up, his voice berating me in a way that made me want to agree so that he'd leave me alone.

“Stop calling me Junior!” I yelled, tears blinding me and Jaebum gripped my hand. 

“And there it goes, that’s why you’re mad, he gives good head, doesn’t he,” He taunted and I watched as Jaebum’s face paled, as he realized that JYP knew about us. 

“He did the same thing to you huh? Walked in and dropped to his knees, didn’t even wait for you to say yes or no,” He grinned as it dawned on Jaebum and I drew my knees up to the my chest. 

He would turn Jaebum against me, convince him that I wanted JYP to hurt me.

“You thought he loved you? He doesn’t- he does this without even thinking, acts like it never even happened, like he was never even there. It’s the hallmark of a whore, sucks dick like a professional, One of the best I’d ever had,” he teased, a smirk on his face as he spoke casually about ruining my life.

“Stop it!” I lunged at the man and Jaebum caught me. 

“You’re the one who made me like this, who made me-” 

He put on a face of faux sincerity. 

“I did some things I shouldn’t have done, I slept with Jinyoung, and I slept with Bambam, but it was consensual, and yeah it got rough, but he was down with it, and he’s trumping up these charges for what? Money? Power, just to fuck me over, I don’t know.  I was wrong Jinyoung, okay, I shouldn’t have slept with the both of you, shouldn’t have let it go this far, but this is where it ends alright?” He spoke softly and I tried to tear out of Jaebum’s arms. I didn't want to hear his placating words, hear him speak like he did nothing wrong.

“No! You don’t get to say that what we did was- I never wanted you, never. We’re going to tell, we’re going to tell everyone what sick shit you did!” 

“And who’s going to believe you? Who’s going to believe sensitive little Jinyoung over me? I'm a beloved family man, no one is going to believe you, now get out of my office, and I expect to see each and every one of you for practice tomorrow, or else,” He laughed before buzzing his secretary, telling her to bring in his next meeting. 

We were pushed out of the room by his secretary with a warning about bringing in security. We left before that, no matter how mad I was about JYP, I knew what kind of trouble would follow If we were escorted out. I couldn't allow that.

 

I got into the car with Jaebum, putting my feet on the dashboard.    
“What do you want me to do?” He asked and I put my head down on my knees. 

“Just drive,” I whimpered, my voice watery.

I felt us take off, turning in the opposite direction of the dorm and I let myself go, crying and screaming into the expanse between my knees while Jaebum drove through the streets of Seoul.

 

He finally stopped the car and I looked up at him, my eyes swollen from the tears, and my throat raw from the screams. 

We’d been driving for an hour now, and I knew that Jaebum must have been tired, but he was looking at me like I was going to crack. 

“It- I didn’t want him like that,” I whispered. 

“I know, I know that,” he rubbed his hands over my back and I leaned back in the seat, pulling my feet into the seat with me.

“If- If he doesn’t- if they don’t believe me, I'm going to tell them it was voluntary, I'm going to tell them that we did it together,” I whispered and Jaebum made a noise in the back of his throat. 

“Why- why would you do that? What’s that going to do?” 

“It’s going to wreck him, I'm not- I'm not letting him get away with this, even if it brings me down too-” I choked.

“Don’t think that way, we’ll figure it out, I promise Jinyoung, we’re going to be together, all of us,” 

He comforted me, his arms pulling me into a hug.

 

The next day we stayed in the dorm as well, ignoring the calls from our managers and others to come to the studio.

It was weird because it was like any other day that we would have had off, other than the fact that none of the boys actually went out. 

Instead we lounged around the dorm, watching with disinterest as Bambam and Yugyeom played a videogame. 

We all spent time together, minus Youngjae, who instead elected to stay in his room for most of the day. 

I knocked on the door that he shared with Jaebum and I heard him beckon me in. 

“Hey Jae,” I whispered, leaning against the closed door and he didn’t shift in his bed. 

It was weird, that Youngjae wasn’t up playing computer games, he loved that kind of stuff.

“Jae, what’s the matter?” I asked, coming to sit on the bottom of his bed and he finally shifted to look at me. 

“You- everyone hates me,” he whimpered and I pulled the blanket down to look at his face. 

His eyes were red, like he’d been crying.

“No, everyone doesn’t hate you Jae, I promise,” I soothed.

“You do,” He answered back. 

“No, I don’t hate you,Youngjae, I could never hate you.” 

“No, it’s true. Everyone’s been ganging up on me, and you haven’t talked to me since- I'm sorry hyung,” He bit out and I ran my hands through his hair. 

“Jae, it’s, it’s not that everyone hates you. We all are just going through a lot, and everyone has been unfair towards you but, you’ve got to see where they are coming from.” 

“It’s not fair that everything is about you and bam, it’s not fair that no one else's opinions matter.” 

“Jae, he didn’t- he didn’t hurt you, did he?” I asked tentatively and he turned his head into the pillow. 

Did I really miss that? Had I really been so blind protecting Bambam that I’d forgotten about poor Youngjae?

“No, and that’s- that’s the problem,” He sobbed and I frowned.

How was not being touched by JYP a problem?

“What do you mean?” 

“He never, he never even looked at me like that, he was never anything but nice to me and I- I don’t understand why- why I wasn’t good enough to-, and I feel stupid, because who is jealous about not being molested- it’s just… I liked JYP, he was a good guy, how come everyone else could see it, and not me? I just- i don’t understand why I'm always left out, like now, you all are preparing to leave JYP, but they’ve been good to me, it’s been good here for me and if we leave, maybe other companies will see that I'm no good, that I'm not as trained as everyone else, they’ll put me back in training, or drop me because maybe you guys won’t need me anymore, then where will I be?” He unleashed and I paused, soaking in everything he’s said. 

“It’s kind of stupid to want to be molested Jae, but it makes sense, you’re kind of on the outskirts and I’ve always tried to make it so you didn’t feel like that, but I haven’t been a good hyung lately, I'm sorry. He was good at hiding that side of him, of making me feel like I’d imagined it too, he knew what he was doing, and no one else has gotten weird vibes from him either, it’s just the nature of his game, I'm sorry that we’ve neglected you, and I promise, the minute a company says that they want us to split up will be the minute we turn them down. We’re Got7, it’s all or none. I promise Jae, not that they would kick you out, you’re an amazing singer and dancer Youngjae, you’re so talented.” 

He shook his head into the pillow and I pulled his face to look over at me. 

“I promise Youngjae, I promise.” 

He hugged me tight and I pet over his hair. 

“Come on, the boys miss you, there’s no telling what’s going to happen next, let’s all be together now, let’s go.” I spoke leading him into the living room with the rest of the boys.

Bambam got up from his seat next to Youngjae, taking the boy by the collar and throwing his arm around his shoulders in a brief hug that showed maybe they’d be alright.

 

I opened my eyes to see Jaebum sitting on the edge of my bed, his back to me as he hunched over slightly over his phone. 

He’d accompanied me to bed that night, telling me he would fight the nightmares away, and it was endearing enough that I allowed it. 

He was speaking softly to whoever it was on the other side and I scooted forward in the bed, wrapping my arms around his middle.

He looked back at me and I just buried my face in the bare skin of his lower back, leaving behind soft kisses. 

He dropped one of his hands down to caress one of my hands. 

I sighed at the contact, glad that no matter what happened between, JYP and I, he hadn’t managed to taint this particular part of me and Jaebum. I would rather die than to meet the day when I didn’t feel comfortable around him.

“Thank you, I'm sorry for the late call, good bye,” He spoke into the receiver before hanging up. 

“What are you doing?” He asked me and I hugged him tighter. 

I never wanted to let go of Jaebum.

“You were the one talking on the phone at- it’s one in the morning Jaebummie hyung, who could you have been talking to?” I asked and he twisted his torso to look over at me. 

“Bang Si hyuk. I was explaining our position, and wondering if Bighit would be willing to take us in,” He explained and I sat up. 

“What do you mean our position? What did you tell him?” I asked and he ran a hand through his hair. 

“I told him we were having problems with JYP and that we no longer felt safe working at the company, that we wanted to move as a group.”

“What did he say?” 

“That he would be glad to have us, that we’re talented, and he would love to see what we could do beyond JYPE’s style.” 

“But-” I asked, there had to be a but coming, nothing could just be that easy for us. 

“But he couldn’t do anything until JYP released us from our contract,” Jaebum whispered and I sighed. 

“We’ll have to convince him to release us from our contracts then,” I decided and Jaebum sighed, laying back on the bed next to me. 

“I’d rather have the creep rot in prison for the rest of his life,” Jaebum growled.

“Yeah well, that’s not going to happen, but it’s a nice thought,” I whispered, kissing his cheek before laying back down.

We had to find a way to get away from JYP.

One way or another, we would.

I refused to let him hurt us anymore.

He didn’t get to ruin us.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung goes to see JYP by himself and the boys get released from their contracts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end you guys! I have some tag alongs after the story. Let me know if you all are interested in that!

I knocked on JYP’s door and rubbed my hands together. 

I snuck out of the dorm, grateful that everyone was sleeping so I could go. 

It was a good thing that JYP was so predictable, that he would be in his office so early just to show that he was a good CEO, even if he weren’t doing anything worthwhile at all. 

“That’s two days in a row Junior, the rest of the boys better be in the rehearsal room, we don’t have time for this,” He complained and I rolled my eyes at the man.

“We’re not coming back, I think we’ve been more than clear on that point.” I spat and he laughed. 

“You’re willing to throw away those boys careers for this petty shit, Junior? I thought you were better than that, what kind of example are you setting?” 

“Shut up! I want you to confess that what you did to me and bambam wasn’t consensual, and I want you to resign from the company,” I ground out, trying to sound tough.

“And I want a group that doesn’t cause me so many problems, and yet here we are Junior,” he dismissed me, looking down at paperwork as if I'd get the hint and leave.

“Stop calling me Junior, I'm not your junior. I have no part of you!” I spat and he laughed. 

“Without me, there would be no Park Jinyoung, remember that, now, get the boys and tell them to be at practice today. I'm not kidding,” He said and I shook my head.

“No, we’re not- we’re not coming back. If you will not resign then we want you to release us,” I spoke confidently though my hands were shaking. 

“What?” He asked finally giving me his undivided attention.   
“We want you to release our contracts. We no longer want to work under you.” 

“Release your contracts? I made you all, without me, Got7 would be nothing, you are nothing without me!” he slammed his fists on the table and I tried to hide the flinch that went through my body.

“Release our contracts, or I’ll go to the media, and I’ll tell them everything. I’ll tell them what you did to me and Bam, what you did to other idols.” 

“Are you trying to cause another Open World? Let’s not forget, you are a queer Jinyoung, no one will believe you. The only way people are going to believe you is if you pull a Jang Ja Yeon, and the names were never released,” He explained and I cleared my throat. 

“Then I’ll tell them it was consensual. I’ll tell them that we were in a relationship since before I was legal, that this stems back since my audition. I’ll make up things if I have to, but I’ll bring you down, one way or another, so release our contracts, or I’ll blab,” I hissed and he laughed. 

“Oh really Jinyoung, who are you going to blab to, you have no evidence, nothing that would even suggest that I would ever, ever touch someone disgusting like you,” he muttered, his face arching into a sneer.

“You don’t know what I have on you, you don’t know,” I spat and he scooted back his chair. 

“Come on, we know that mouth is good for a lot Jinyoung, but not for telling.Think about it, your own members didn’t see it, what makes you think the rest of the world will? Now, come over here and I’ll think about forgiving you. Hell, I’ll think about releasing the contracts too,” He goaded and I clenched my teeth.

I felt the temptation to walk forward. I could feel the temptation to get on my knees for the man like I'd done so many times, so I could fix this mess. I could do it and we would be out… maybe. He'd been fucking with me for so long, I didn't know what to believe. I’d regret not taking the opportunity, but I'd regret having to go home with that shame even more.

“Fuck you,” I bit out and he let a smile spread across his face. 

“I gave you a chance Jinyoung, and you didn’t take it, silly of you,” He laughed before pointing at the door. 

“Come back when you’ve got something more serious to say to me.” He taunted as I stalked out of the room, feeling lost. 

 

I opened the door, dropping down on the couch, putting my feet up in the chair.

My phone vibrated and I looked up at it.

Everyone was still sleeping.

I picked it up and answered.

“Jaebum called, asking about JYP, What was that about?” He asked and I cleared my throat

“Hey Wonpil hyung, I was just- we were wondering if anyone in your group- had any out of place interactions with JYP?” I asked and he paused.

“Jinyoung, whatever you’re trying to do, don’t.”

“Has anyone in your group been hurt by JYP?” I asked and he took a deep breath. 

“JInyoung, you don’t really know what you’re messing with, maybe you should just drop it.”

“Wonpil please-”

“No Jinyoung, nothing like that has happened, I’ve got to go,” He said before hanging up.

I dropped my phone on the couch beside me, burying my head in my knees before letting out a sharp breath.

“Jinyoungie, where’d you go?” I looked up to see Jaebum standing in front of me and I shook my head,

“Wonpil called,” I whispered. 

“What did he say?” He asked sitting next to me and I looked over at him. 

“That I should stop digging, and that no one in the group- he’s lying, Jaebum, I know he is,” I whined and Jaebum rubbed my back. 

“Maybe he’s just not courageous enough to fight back, but we will, and if it doesn’t work, then we’ll find away to get out of JYPE, maybe we can’t save anyone but ourselves,” Jaebum whispered and I shook my head.

We couldn’t save ourselves, we were going to be stuck with JYPE forever. 

Maybe I should pull a Jang Ja Yeon. At least she got away from her perpetrators.

Then again, all it took was her suicide, and no one even really cared after the fact. 

“I went to see JYP,” I whispered and Jaebum frowned. 

“Why would you do that?” He began.

“I needed to see him,” I whispered and Jaebum sighed. 

“You shouldn’t have gone alone, he could have done something to you.”

“I didn’t- he didn’t- I just- He said he wouldn’t release us. He’s not going to let this go, and I don’t know what else I can do to convince him.” I whispered and Jaebum just rubbed his hands over my back.

“Say the words Jinyoung, and we’ll do it, I promise,” He whispered and I turned my head into my knees. 

“Do it.”

 

 

 

“Where did they go?” Mark asked, walking into the kitchen where I’d been standing, a mug in my hands. 

I wasn’t drinking from it, but it was still there to occupy me. 

I thought about going to my room, or maybe turning on the television or something to occupy me, but even then I couldn’t do it.

I wouldn’t be able to do anything besides wait for Jaebum to get home and tell me it was done.

“Huh?” I asked, looked up at the man and he put his hand on his hip. 

A face mask was hanging off of one ear, and a leash wrapped around his fist. 

“Were you out walking Coco?” I asked and he looked down at the leash before looking at me. 

“Yeah, I told you that before I left, remember?” He asked and I just shrugged. 

I'd been losing so much time, it was hard for me to even pretend like I'd been a part of a conversation.

“Okay-” he paused, looking me over before running his hands through his hair. 

“Where are the boys? Youngjae was with me, and Bambam’s taking a nap. Where are the rest of the boys? Where’s Jackson? He didn’t text me that he was leaving.” Mark inquired and I just shrugged, looking down into the empty mug that I should have filled with something, but there was only one thing in that I wanted to drink from it, and we definitely didn’t have any good liquor hanging around. 

“I don’t know,” I offered and he eyed me suspiciously. 

“You know where they went don’t you? What time did they leave?” He asked and I looked over at the clock. 

“Why did you and Youngjae go so late to walk Coco? It’s after 11,’ I asked, trying to change the subject and he sighed. 

“To make sure no one recognized us, why are you dodging my questions? Jinyoung, where are they?” He asked and I just shrugged again. 

“I don’t know, hyung,” I answered and Youngjae knocked on the kitchen door, Coco in his hands. 

“Where is Jaebum hyung?” He asked and I shrugged. 

“Are you keeping something from me?” He asked and I shook my head. 

“No, I don’t know, I really don’t, I just came to get something to drink, I don’t know where they could have gone. Really,” I said before going to the fridge.  

There had to be something in here to drink. 

“There’s some wine in the back, some cheap American shit,” Mark said with a sigh and I got down three glasses. 

“Drink with me?” I asked and Mark took a glass from me. 

“I'm going to wash Coco, she ran through a puddle, you mind if I use your shower hyung?” He asked and i shook my head. 

“Go right ahead jae-ah,” I encouraged before grabbing the bottle and the extra glass incase Bambam woke up. He napped a lot lately, but I didn't blame him. 

I dropped down on the couch, filling my cup up before doing the same to Mark’s. 

“How long do you think this can last?” He asked and I shrugged, looking at the pink liquid before taking a deep gulp. 

“We’re going to have to do something,” He whispered, rolling the glass between his hands. I peered deeply into my own, watching the tiny ripples.

“We should probably pack up the dorm, there’s no way we’ll be here for much longer,” I mused and he eyed me again, putting down his glass. 

“Jinyoung, really, where are they?” He asked and I sighed, putting my feet on the couch. 

“I told you I don’t know,” I hissed and he took the glass away from me, sitting it on the floor before crossing his legs and facing me. 

“Why are you lying to me Jinyoung? Through all of this, you didn’t hide from me, what could be any worse than that?” He asked before pausing. He was putting something together, he was way too smart for his own good.

“Jinyoung, did they go to see JYP?” He asked and I shrugged, picking at the lint in my socks. 

“Jinyoung?” He spoke after a minute of silence.

“They’re going to get him to release us from the contract,” I answered softly and he frowned. 

“How?” He asked and I shrugged. 

“I didn’t ask,” I whispered. 

“Jinyoung- we should go get them” He said and I shook my head. 

“They’ll be back.” 

Bambam shuffled his way into the living room, his blanket wrapped around his shoulders and head. 

“Coco and Youngjae are being loud,” He complained, squeezing on the couch between Mark and I. He grabbed the bottle of wine from the floor and poured him a glass before leaning back, like he might fall asleep again. 

Mark and I’s conversation was quickly cut off with the addition of Bambam acting as a barrier between us. 

Bambam eventually grabbed the remote, turning on a drama to drown out the quiet. 

 

The door opened and I opened my eyes to look over at it. I hadn't even realized that I'd fallen asleep.

Mark and Bambam were still sitting next to me, and Youngjae had fallen asleep on the floor. 

“Where have you been?” Mark asked, his face confused and angry as his eyes took stock of the boys. 

“We’re free from the contract,” Jaebum spoke and I got up, crossing the floor and hugging him. 

Jaebum just kept muttering that it was done and I hugged him tight.

“Jackson, where the hell were you?” Mark asked, his voice stern and quiet. 

“Come on,” Jackson grabbed Mark’s hand, dragging him to their room and I watched them go with disinterest before turning my head to look at Yugyeom who was standing at the door, biting his busted lip. 

“What happened to you?” Bambam asked and he ran his hands through his hair. 

“Things got a little out of control,” Yugyeom answered and Bambam’s eyes softened.

“What did you do Kim Yugyeom?” He asked.

“He hurt you, I couldn’t-” He grabbed Bambam’s hand and pulled him into a hug.

"Hey, come on, get to bed," Jaebum nudged Youngjae with his foot. The boy got up up, hugging Jaebum and me before walking to the room, dead to the atmosphere in the house.

“You fucking idiot!” I heard Mark yell in English and I pulled away from Jaebum to go check on Mark and Jackson. 

Mark was holding his fist and Jackson was holding his cheek. 

“You knew they were going to go and fucking beat up JYP?” Mark wheeled on me and I shook my head.

“Quit lying to me. All of you, do you know what that’s going to do? We’re ruined now, no matter what we have on him, no matter what he did, we’re going to look like fucking thugs, they’re never going to believe us now,” Mark yelled and Jaebum shook his head. 

“It’s not going to get that far,” 

“You don’t think he hasn’t already blabbed? You’re going to go to jail! And you! How dare you not tell me what you were going to do? You just left and anything could have happened to you!” He turned on Jackson and Jackson put his hands up. 

“Mark calm down, we- we did what we had to do,” Jackson begged.

“We could have-”

“This isn’t one of your little crime shows, Mark! There’s nothing we could have done to get him to release us, nothing legal, suing would have gotten us nowhere but blacklisted, and he wasn’t going to let us go just of his own free will and good intentions, it’s over, Mark, it’s over. No matter what we would have done, Got7 was over, but at least he released us, which is more than what he was going to do before, and he will never hurt another member again, we did it to keep them safe Tuan Yien, You didn’t hear what he was saying he would do to them, to you, what he wanted to-” Jackson clenched his fist and I watched as Mark deflated. 

“Gaga-”

“I would have hit him harder a thousand times to keep him from saying that shit,” Jackson admitted, his head hanging low between his shoulders. Mark hugged the boy and I turned away from them, looking at Jaebum, who was a solid line at my back.

“What- what did- how do you know, how do you know it’s really over?” I asked and Jaebum grabbed my hand, pulling me out of their room and into mine. 

He handed me his phone and I clicked on the video thumbnail. 

It resized and I watched as JYP stared into the camera, his face bloody and swollen. 

“Say it!” I heard Yugyeom growled from behind the man. 

_ “I- I raped Park Jinyoung and Kunpimook Bhukawal, I forced them to have sex with me against their will,” The man spat and and Yugyeom adjusted his grip on the back of the man’s neck. _

_ “And what else?” I heard Jaebum’s voice next.  _

_ “I'm going to uphold my agreement to release GOT7 from their contract, and keep my mouth shut about tonight or else they’re going to reveal this video and evidence of my crimes.”  _

_ “What else?” Jaebum’s voice was hard.  _

_ “And I'm a dirty man who shouldn’t be trusted with trainees,” he sobbed and I watched as Yugyeom’s foot kicked the man in the back, causing him to kneel on the ground.  _

_ “I”m sorry,” He cried.  _

The video feed cut out and was replaced by the thumbnail.

I looked up at Jaebum. 

“We’re free,” I whispered.

“We’re free, and I swear you don’t have to ever go back there,” Jaebum promised and I pushed him back on the bed, kissing him forcefully. 

He gripped the back of my neck and I leaned my head against his as I worked at the buttons of his shirt. 

“What are you doing?” He asked softly, his busted knuckles sliding across my cheek. I gave him a soft smile before sinking to my knees in front of him.

His hand was on my neck again, this time a bit more forceful. 

“What are you doing?” He repeated and I looked up at him.

“I'm thanking you,” I whispered and he shook his head, worry etched into his face.

“Jinyoung, you don’t have to thank me, don’t- don’t think I want you to thank me for something like that, especially not like this.”

I looked down at Jaebum’s pants to see that they were already unbuttoned and pulled halfway down his thighs.

When had that happened?

“I think you spaced again, Jinyoung, maybe you should- maybe you should get some help,” He suggested as he pulled his pants back up before pulling me back up the bed. 

“ I don’t need any help, I'm fine,” I hissed and he hugged me tight to him.

“Jinyoung-ah, I don’t want everytime we kiss or hug to not know if you’re really there or not, I don’t- I don’t want to do anything that makes you float away,” He whispered and I closed my eyes, the ground seeming like it was dropping away like when I was really tired.

Maybe he was right, maybe I should see someone about this, but what could I possibly say, ‘hey, I'm dissociating because my producer raped me,’? JYP wasn’t supposed to take this from me, he wasn’t supposed to be able to touch what Jaebum and I had. I was supposed to feel comfortable in Jaebum's arms, I had nearly a decade of history with Jaebum. I couldn’t let JYP ruin that for me.

“I’ll think about it,” I whispered and he hugged me tight. 

“We’re going to have to clear out pretty fast, they’re giving us until the end of the week to leave,” He whispered and I just rolled closer to him.

“Are you mad at me hyung?” I asked after several moments of silence.

“No, he hurt you. Your wellbeing comes before my dick, every time,” He explained, his arm looping over my shoulder and I pushed my face into his shoulder.

“Not about that. I meant, because of everything I’m making you do. I know you’re the leader, but you never signed up to do this. You’ve had to take on so much extra because of this… I just… I worry that you might be mad at me.”

“No Jinyoung-ah. i’m not mad. I promised you I would be there for you. I promised those boys I would protect them. That doesn’t change because things are a little harder.”

“You’re such a good leader, you’re so good Jaebum,” I whispered and he wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me tight.

How could I ever believe I deserved someone like him?


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got7 move to Big Hit! and things are somewhat resolved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end my friends... It has come to an end. I still have tag along one shots that sort of fill in scenes, that aren't in Jinyoung's point of view if you guys want it, let me know in the comment section. There's also moments that extend into the future... or one of the imagined outcomes if you guys would want to see it, just let me know. Anyway, it's been a pleasure rocking with you all. Thank you for reading it and for commenting! Thanks so much for being here!

I grabbed my last box, something full of books that I had read over and over again before looking at my rom one last time. 

I’d spent a good portion of my life here with JYPE, spent my teen years in this building, and now it was all over. 

We was no longer signed to JYPE and the news broke that JYP had been mugged. 

Of course there was no video of the thing happening, no way to identify the boys and the story was conflicting on whether or not it even happened in the office. The boys were in the clear and it seemed as if JYP wasn’t going to talk any time soon. He would keep up his end of the bargain, and we would get a new beginning.

“Nyoungie!” I heard and I turned my head to see Jaebum standing at the door. 

“Hey, everyone’s ready to go, come on,” He spoke and I nodded, turning my back on the bed and the room that I’d had.

We were graciously moving to Big Hit, and while it wasn’t a big three company, at least they would be willing to take us. They’d already co-signed artists with JYPE so the deal wouldn’t have been as fishy and honestly, other companies weren’t really looking to have another group on the label, especially one raised by JYP, no one wanted to seem like a double crosser I guess. Then again, it could have been the fact that there seemed to be no reason for the move, in the eyes of the media. We were moving in the middle of the night, to keep the rumors at bay, and to make sure no one saw us, it was like how the battered wives did in those crime novels that I read.

I guess in a way, we had been battered by JYP.

I felt my eyes well up and I put the box down just inside of the door.

“Are you crying?” Jaebum asked and I nodded, covering my face.

“It’s stupid, but- it’s sad. I'm gonna miss it, this was our home, and I’ve caused us to leave, I'm just-” I swallowed and Jaebum pulled me into a hug.

“It is sad, it’s sad that this had to happen, but it’s not your fault Jinyoung, and I would rather leave the industry forever, than let this happen to you again.” 

“Without him, we would have never-” I cut myself off, and he just squeezed me tighter. I didn't want to get sentimental about this place, about what JYP had done for me, but it was hard to look back on this time and think that if it hadn't been for JYP, I would have never met Jaebum.

“It’ll be okay, I promise it’ll be okay,”

“Are you guys crying?” I heard and I turned to see Jackson standing in the doorway. 

“No, what do we look like, babies?” Jaebum asked and Jackson squeezed Jaebum’s cheeks. 

“Ah aegyo,” He cooed and Jaebum knocked his hand away. 

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Jaebum hissed, wiping his face and Jackson slung his arm around my shoulders.

“Your boyfriend is a very ugly crier,” He commented and I scowled at him. 

“So are you, now get out, we’re going to be late, move!” I spat and Jackson squealed again, poking my cheek.

“So aggressive, and here I thought Jaebummie was Appa, and you Eomma,” 

“Aish, I swear!” Jaebum threatened, pushing Jackson through the door and chasing him out. 

Jackson was so good at distracting us from sadness, usually, but I still felt heavy.

I grabbed the box again, wiping my face on my shoulder before looking back at my room. 

This was the end of JYPE’s GOT7 and I wanted to be more happy about it.

I closed the door before following them out of the dorm and into the waiting car. 

We didn’t have much we could take with us, only personal effects because a lot of the stuff belonged to JYP, and other things were just too big to actually move with us, like my bookcase.

Then again that was the nature of leaving quickly, you took what you absolutely needed so that you could rebuild, and you left behind the nonessentials. 

“Maybe we’ll have new room assignments, do you think they’re going to try and break us up?” Bambam asked, nervously clutching Yugyeom’s hand. 

Those two were inseparable, we could all have separate rooms, and they would somehow end up in each others room. 

“What if I got to room with Namjoon, wouldn’t that be cool?” Jackson said and Mark punched his shoulder. 

“Like Namjoon would even want to room with you, and you know that’s not how that works,” Mark teased.

“Well, you’d leave me to room with V,” Jackson teased back and I leaned back against the passenger seat in Jaebum’s car. 

“Maybe we could move Nora in,” I offered and he smiled softly at the sentiment. 

“No! I'm allergic to cats!” Youngjae called from the back. 

“Well, maybe you can room with Yugyeom and Bambam,”

“Yeah, we don’t bite,” Yugyeom called.

“And we definitely won’t put cucumbers in you bed,” Bambam joked. 

“Why! They’re going to kill me!” Youngjae complained and I let the car dissolve into madness with a small smile on my face.

We’d be okay. 

 

“What happened?” Bang PD-nim asked as we sat in front of him.

Well, more like as Jaebum and I sat in front of him. 

We’d left the other boys to get settled into the dorm because everything was starting fresh tomorrow, we would meet with all of the staff in the company, as well as trainees and find out a place for us musically and in their roster. 

It would be our last free night. 

“We felt unsafe with JYP,” Jaebum answered and I noticed that he hadn’t take his gloves off even though the heat was on in the building. 

“Alright, I need to know whatever you’re comfortable with telling me, I don’t want any lawsuits, and I don’t want to do anything to make you all uncomfortable.” he explained and Jaebum cleared his throat. 

“We’re not allowed to disclose everything, just- we want to make sure that staffs and producers don’t have private access to members,” Jaebum worded carefully.

“Of course not, we take abuse very seriously here, we would never even allow the inkling of that sort of thing,” Bang said and I watched as the man looked us over, and I wondered if he understood exactly what we were saying, because he looked like he understood exactly what we were saying. 

He had worked for JYP after all, maybe he knew better than the rest of us.

“I'm gay.” I blurted out and Jaebum looked over at me like he was terrified of what just came out of my mouth. I could understand where that panic came from, because I was terrified of what just came out of my mouth.

We hadn’t ever discussed talking about that out loud, hell I didn’t even expect to say it. I didn't think I'd ever said it to anyone that wasn't the boys out loud.

“We won’t allow you to kick him out of the band, it’s all seven or none.” Jaebum defended quickly and Bang just shrugged. 

“I don’t have a problem with it, I have artists training and performing who are perfectly fine with their orientations and living as such. If you don’t want to announce it, we won’t and I’ll be sure to keep that secret for you if that’s what you want, gay straight or whatever, talented is talented.” He explained and I bit my lip. 

“It’s not just me, it’s well most of the band- we sort of uh-” 

“It’s fine, I don’t care, talent is talent,” He said again and Jaebum gripped my hand, tears in his eyes. 

“Really, that’s it?” He asked and Bang nodded. 

“That’s it, anything else you need to tell me?” He asked and Jaebum cleared his throat.

“We- I think that it would be important to set up a therapist for some of our members, someone they can confide in confidentially, that won’t have their information in the news, unless they want to tell the news,” Jaebum spoke, authority in his voice and he nodded. 

“Mental health is important, I’ll set it up for whoever you need me to, anything else?” Bang asked. 

“No Bang PD-nim. Thank you for the opportunity, we won’t mess it up.”

“I don’t doubt it. Alright then, we’re good to go, welcome to Big Hit entertainment,” Jaebum shook the man’s hand before bowing deeply and I did the same shocked that it was that easy. I kept wanting to pinch myself because it- this was it, it was that easy. 

We were free from JYP and we’d still be idols.

 

“I haven’t told my eomeoni yet, I don’t- I don’t know if I should,” I whispered as we walked out of the office and to the dorms.

The air was crisp and chilly, and the end of the year was quickly approaching, Bambam still had the Good Girl, Bad Girl schedule approaching, and then we would have a break for the holidays.

When we got back, we’d probably be in the studio, planning for a comeback, hopefully by March.

So much to do and so little time. 

But it still felt like a beginning.

“Do you want to tell her?” He asked and I shrugged, leaning my head on his shoulder. 

“I should, she should know the truth, but what if she looks at me differently- if she decides that I'm too dirty now?” I mused and he gripped the back of my neck. 

“She’s your eomeoni, she loves you, she’ll be furious of course, she’ll want to burn the man, but she won’t hate you,” He explained and I just looked up at the inky sky as we walked back to our new home in silence. 

Maybe Jaebum was right.

Maybe I should tell her.

 

I walked the halls, trying to find the conference room where we were supposed to be meeting everyone. I'd been late because I was on the phone with my eomma, telling her some of the information. I didn't want to tell her everything over the phone because although it would have been easier, it would have hurt her far too much to receive news like that over the phone.

I'd just told her that Got7 moved to BigHit, and that we couldn't talk about the information yet, but my first break, I’d come home and explain everything. That was going to be a tough one.

I know that Jaebum kept telling me I was so strong, but I felt like a coward not being able to tell her.

I'd do it though, I'd work up the courage.

“Jinyoung-ssi!” I heard and I turned quickly to see Namjoon walking up the hallway towards me.

“Namjoon-ssi,” I bowed to the man and he shook my head.

“You don't have to call me that. I'm really excited to see you guys in the label, you're very talented,” he started and I bowed my head to him.

“Thank you. Your group as well.”

It was awkward for a couple of moments before Namjoon cleared his throat.

“Your boys are responsible for the 'mugging’?” He asked and I sputtered.

How did he put it together?

We were careful.

“He hurt you guys?” Namjoon asked and I bit my lip, looking away from him. How could I even answer that question?

“That bad?” he asked and I swallowed, trying to work up an answer.

“Not all of us, but it was pretty bad. Did Bang send you to find that out?” I asked and he shook his head.

“No, I noticed that JB hyung didn't take off his gloves last night and Yugyeom had a busted lip. you all are being so tight lipped and circling each other. It had to be pretty bad,” he spoke like he was deducing something, like he was some type of Sherlock and I wished he'd let it go.

“So what, are you going to tell?” I crossed my arms defensively. We would have to leave, there was no way Bang would want us if he knew we'd gotten violent with JYP.

We would be out, and no one else would want us.

I would have ruined it for all of us.

“No, I'm not going to say anything. I don't know what he did you you guys but I- I don't know what I would do if someone tried to hurt one of my members.”

“You do what you've got to do, leader or not,” I whispered before looking up the hallway at the sound of my name being called.

“There you go, I was looking for you,” Jaebum called, his hand coming to rest on the back of my neck as he neared me.

“Let's go,” he spoke, wrangling me to the conference room, Namjoon a couple of steps behind us.

“Jackson's going to be so jealous you were talking to Namjoon,” Jaebum teased and I smacked his shoulder.

“More importantly, were you jealous?”

“Me?” 

“Yeah, to see me hugged up to another leader.” 

“You’ve got a leader fetish, me, Hyunwoo hyung, Namjoon,” he listed off and I pushed him.

He pulled me back to him before opening the door of the conference room.

I had a ton of things to worry about, learning new dance routines, learning new songs, learning new names and faces, and telling my mom about what happened with JYP, but all of that seemed like no big deal when my boys were next to me.

 

‘Hey Jinyoung,’ I heard and I looked up to see Jaebum standing in the door of our new shared room. 

I hadn’t had to share a room since before we were officially Got7.

He sat on the edge of his bed and I put down my book, wondering what he was coming to ask me.

We’d been here at Big Hit for a little more than two weeks, and our winter holiday was coming up quickly. 

I wasn’t sure if they were even going to let us go home for the holiday, considering that we were new to the company, but I really hoped so.

As much as I dreaded seeing my eomeoni and telling her about it, i really just wanted to be home for a couple of days. 

“I'm sorry that you haven’t had a break in a while, me and JYP had discussed-”

“Sending me home for a weekend, Yeah I know. I'm glad he didn't, I would have worried too much about what he was doing to the maknae, I wouldn’t have gotten any rest,” I interrupted and his face dropped into a frown.

“JYP told you I talked to him?” He asked and I shook my head.

“no, I heard the conversation,” I said before realising that there was no reason I should have heard the conversation unless I was in the room and that I was about to reveal to Jaebum just how disgusting I was.

“Forget I said anything,” I picked up my book, trying to bury my nose in it, and he snatched it away from me. 

“Jinyoung, how did you know about that conversation?” He asked, his serious voice on.

“It doesn’t matter, does it Jaebum, it’s all over now, it’s not a big deal. Please just drop it,” I pleaded, behind my hands.

“Jinyoung, were you in the room?” 

“Yes, I was under the table, sucking him off, is that what you wanted to hear? Please leave me alone.” I whimpered and he got up from the bed, his fists clenched before sitting beside me. 

I pushed him away and he just wrapped his arms around me.

“I was there and I-”

“You didn’t know Jaebum, it’s not your fault.”

“I should’ve killed that man.”

“Then you’d be in jail, and I would be crazy without you, It’s.. it’s over now, I promise.” 

It was quiet and he grabbed my hand in his, squeezing it tight like he was trying to keep me from falling apart. 

It was the thought that counted. 

“Did you tell your eomeoni yet?” He asked and I shook my head.

“I haven’t had the chance, I only got to tell her about the move, I want to wait to tell her everything that happened there when I get to go home on break.” I answered and he nodded before leaning his head on my shoulder. 

“You'll figure it out, nyoungie, I'm so proud of you,” he whispered and I tried to feel worthy of his praise.

 

The news broke before I had the chance to tell her.

It was after the KBS broadcast, and after the roman calendar New Year when the world found out what kind of man JYP was. It was kind of insane the way it dropped, with leaked photos of underaged trainees and an explicit video of a current idol, Wonpil.

The media swarmed him, and though people speculated that was why we moved to Big Hit, Bang made sure we never had to answer those questions.

We didn’t get to go on break like we thought we would, because it was too suspicious to send us home when all of this mess was happening, because there was no way to contain it all with us all over the world. 

My phone rang and I looked down at the caller ID.

It was my eomeoni. 

My hand hovered over the call button and I watched it ring until it went to voicemail.

It lit up again and I debated just turning it off before seeing that it was Hyunwoo hyung. 

I answered, holding the phone up to my ear.

“Who was it, Jinyoung?” He asked as soon as I answered. 

“What?”

“Who did he hurt?” He asked and I swallowed. 

“I don’t know those trainee kids,” i answered. 

“No, in the group, who did he hurt?”

I felt like telling him to leave it alone, that no one in our group got hurt, and that we just moved because we wanted to. I wanted to lie to him like wonpil lied to me but that wasn’t fair and it wasn’t like he was some foreigner.

He was with us, he had been one of us, before it all went down, he knew us, he trained with us, he made me cry when he left me. 

He had the right to know. 

“Me and Bam,” I answered weakly and I heard him blow out a breath. 

“I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have left you like that, without-” He began and I took a deep breath. 

“What are you talking about hyung?” I asked.

“he uh- he was being weird, that was why I decided to stop showing up, why I started shopping around. He was making me take off my shirt, and he wanted me to jerk off in front of him. I left after that. I should have- I should have told someone, but I figured it was just me, you know,” His voice sounded so small and shy. 

As if Hyunwoo had anything to prove, as if he had to do that because he wasn’t already one of the most talented boys that we had.

JYP was so fucking stupid. 

‘Now you and Bam were hurt, and everyone in South Korea knows about Wonpil, this shit, this shit is going to get messy.” 

“I know, I know, we tried to get him to confess, we tried to stop it, we tried to call around and see if anyone would step up and say something. No one would.”

“You should have called me.” he answered.

“I didn’t- I didn’t think that you would- that something like that would have happened to you- I thought it was because I was- well you know.”

there was quiet on his side and I worried at my lip. 

“I thought so too, when I left I thought that was the reason too,” He answered before I heard a voice in the background. 

“I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you later.”

“See you hyung,” I whispered before hanging up.

My phone began to ring again and I closed my eyes, realizing if I could reveal it to Hyunwoo, I could finally tell my Eomeoni.

 

I stepped into the dorm, finally back from Seollal holiday. 

it was time to start over, time for us to start to go back to the grind, to start to train in earnest, to get ready for a comeback that was approaching quickly.

We’d all finally gotten to go home, back to our corners of the world, and part of me was worried that we’d never come back together again, like this was the end of an era, of a group, of a family.

But it was Seollal, that meant it was a time for new beginnings. 

We were beginning again, and there was no telling what our future would hold, what we would be able to do.

JYP’s trial was coming up quickly and I’d agreed to testify, discreetly, even though I knew it would not be discreet for long. Putting him behind bars wouldn’t fix me, wouldn’t make me more complete, I knew that. I would still have episodes of spacing out, I would still feel dirty, and I would still try to reconcile what he did to me, and why he did to me what he did, but I knew that I would get better eventually, that was what the therapist said. I didn’t have to forgive him, and honestly, I never would, because how could I forgive him for wrecking me like that, for making me believe that what he was doing was okay, that it was okay for him to occupy my body without my consent? How could I forgive him for taking over me, for making my favorite parts of me my least favorite? I couldn’t and I wouldn’t and that was okay. I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to, I didn’t have to forgive him if I didn’t want to and that was okay. It was okay. 

All I had to do, all I wanted to do was to start fresh with my friends, my brothers, my family. It was all seven or nothing, and we would never be nothing.

We were GOT7.


End file.
